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- 24 June 2013, 07:06

· Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 
· In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
· No one expects you to run into a burning building.
· People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
· There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
· Things you buy now won’t wear out. 
· You enjoy hearing arguments about pension plans.
· You have a party and the neighbours don’t even realise it.
· You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
· You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
· You sing along with elevator music.
· Your eyes won’t get much worse.
· Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
· Your joints are a more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service.
· Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
· Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


George Phillips age 82 of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. 
He phoned the police, who asked ‘Is someone in your house?’ He said ‘No.’ Then they said:
‘All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.’ George said, ‘Okay’. He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
‘Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.’ and hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, ‘I thought you said that you shot them!’
George said, ‘I thought you said there was nobody available!’ (True Story)


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