Author: csiadmin

The Irish Daughter

An Irish daughter had not been home for
over three years. Upon her return, her
father yelled at her,

“Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us? Not even a line.
Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what
ye put yer old Mother thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, Sniff, sniff….
“Dad…..I was too embarrassed,
I became a prostitute.”

“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless hussy!
Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family,
so ye are.”

“OK Daddy…as ye wish…I just came back to give
Mammy this luxurious fur coat, title deed to an
eight bedroom mansion plus a $5 million cheque.
For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex.
And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited
edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a
membership to the Limerick Country Club.”

She takes a breath and continues,
“…and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years
Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean.”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad.

Girl, crying again, Sniff, sniff….
“A prostitute Daddy!” Sniff, sniff.

“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death girl!
I thought ye said a PROTESTANT.
Come here and give yer old Daddy a big hug.”

October 6, 2013
:EYS(;-))

Here’s another trick of Doctor Dementia to test your skills….

I’ve   seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I’ve seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD,   you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.

7H15       M3554G3

53RV35       7O PR0V3

H0W       0UR M1ND5 C4N

D0       4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

1MPR3551V3       7H1NG5!

1N       7H3 B3G1NN1NG

17       WA5 H4RD BU7

N0W,       0N 7H15 LIN3

Y0UR       M1ND 1S

R34D1NG       17

4U70M471C4LLY

W17H       0U7 3V3N

7H1NK1NG       4B0U7 17,

B3       PROUD! 0NLY

C3R741N       P30PL3 C4N

R3AD       7H15.

PL3453       F0RW4RD 1F

U       C4N R34D 7H15.

         To my ‘selected’ strange-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends with ‘yes’ in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

         If you can read this, you have a strange mind, too. Can you read this? Only 55 people out of 100   can.

         I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of   the hmuan  mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it   dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

         If   you can raed, this frowrad it.

October 6, 2013
The Blonde

A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck
after buying air at a real bargain, needed money
desperately.
To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and
hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid
randomly, took her behind a building, and told her,

“I’ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a big note saying,
“I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put
$10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the
apple tree next to the slides, on the south side
of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s
shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough,
a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree.

The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000
with a note that said,

“How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

October 6, 2013
AUNTY ACID

October 2, 2013

Colorful Durian in Malaysia

I believe many of you have never heard about the red durian.

I haven’t heard or tasted it. Have you?
Wonder whether you have come across the “red flesh durian.”

Looks like durian
Smells like durian

Tastes like durian

It’s durian….

What makes Sabah people so happy in year end? Xmas? New Year? Oh ya, a King was born on Christmas. Guess what. The “King of Fruits”

is born too, as it’s fruiting season now in Sabah, and durian is everywhere! Besides the ordinary durians, someone is more interested in two special breeds of Sabah durians, the Durian Sukang (Red Durian) and Durian Dalit (Orange Durian) of Borneo.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_001

Durio graveolens is a typical size for durian trees, about 50 meters tall.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_002

Durian Sukang (Red-flesh Durian), Species: Durio graveolens
When ripe, the husk of Durian Sukang turns yellow, with short and sharp spines.

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Durian Dalit (Orange-flesh Durian), Species: Durio oxleyanus
The husk of Durian Dalit is green color, with long and thick thorns outside.

Durio graveolens is the poster child of the jungle durians. That ravishingly red interior is so shockingly bright many people question the useof food coloring. It’s also one of the most popular durian species, sold widely in markets throughout Borneo. Many people actually prefer it to regular durian, and with good reason.
Despite it’s notoriety (or maybe because of it), Durio graveolens is the most confusing of all the durian species we’ve found.

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A local daily reported that the small durians, about the size of a sepak takraw ball, are sold for RM2 to RM3 when they are in season.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_005

That lipstick red durian flesh is the image that most people associate with Durio graveolens. It’s small and the exterior is a bright yellow sometimes tinged brown. It has a mild odor, and a thick cheesy flesh with barely any flavor. Many people compare it to eating avocado.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_006

But there’s another side to Durio graveolens. An addicting smooth, nutty, cheesy side that’s so thick it’s hard to swallow. So savory,sweet and fatty that it led to Rob and me to argue over whether it could fairly be compared to pimento cheese (vegans and our memories!). This version of Durio graveolens is neon orange or bright yellow packaged in a spiky green or yellow exterior. It can be as large as a small Durio zibethinus.
So what’s the deal?

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_007

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_008

Red and orange durian fruits are very small and can be held by one palm. Both are considered as Wild Durians.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_009

Red-fleshed durian opening on the tree

It’s possible that Durio graveolens is actually two species lumped under one name. It seems even more probable given the difference in the way the two fruits mature. Like most durians, the orange-fleshed durian falls to the forest floor when ripe. The red-fleshed one doesn’t. The durian remains attached to the tree as the fruit opens and drops the flesh and seeds onto the ground. Botanist Anthony Lamb has suggested that the orange-fleshed one, known locally as Dalit, is a different species.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_010

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_011

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_012

When compared to a common durian seed, the seeds of both wild durians look so small.

The commercially-planted durian fruit has thick layer of yellow flesh. In contrast, though creamy as well, the flesh of red and orange durians is thin, and the taste is slightly bland. However, their scent is strong and distinctive, like fermented wine. The taste and flavor of red durian is twice as strong as orange durian. That’s why red durian is sold more (and fast) than the cheaper orange durian. Some says you would get a bit “drunken” if you eat too many red durian.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_013

Orange flesh durian for sale in market in Kuala Penyu town. A bundle of 6 or 7 was sold for RM17.

Red and Orange flesh durians are not being cultivated on a large scale, so you won’t see them often in city market. You have to look for them in local market of rural or suburban areas of Sabah.

20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_014

Even Orangutan Love Durian & enjoys as a delicacy.

October 1, 2013

The Perils of a Catholic Upbringing

As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old pastor, Father Paulson, who always admonished me to”care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags; my heart was touched by this person’s condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, “Reach out, reach out and touch this person!”

So I did.

I won’t be at Mass this week.

October 1, 2013
Gift Certificate

There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy
and says,
“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to
buy anything she wants. I’m stumped.”

His buddy says,
“I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate
that says she can have two hours of great s*x, any way
she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!”

The first fellow does just that.

The next day, his buddy asks,
“Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?”

“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on
the mouth, and ran out the door yelling,
‘I’ll see you in two hours!’”

September 30, 2013
Turn to Stone

One day, there were two boys playing by
a stream.
One of the young boys saw a bush and went
over to it.
The other boy couldn’t figure out why his
friend was at the bush for so long.
So he too went over to the bush and looked.

The two boys were looking at a woman bathing
naked in the stream!

All of a sudden, the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran
away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally, he caught up to him and asked why
he ran away.

The boy, panting and catching his breath said:

“My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady,
I would turn to stone,
and as I felt something getting hard,
I figured it was best to get the heck out of there!”

September 30, 2013
7 examples British

Enjoy, some light” humour”.

7 Examples of British humour.

.

A Special Package for Businessmen.

An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.

Buy your ticket, get your wife’s ticket free.

After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking
how was the trip.

All of them gave the same reply…”What trip?”

——-
New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to
surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the Living room.

She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:

“Hello Darling.”

The husband responds in a low tone:

“Let me call you back later Honey, the stupid woman is in the kitchen.

———–
Cool message by a wife

Dear Mother-in-law,

“Don’t teach me how to handle my children, I’m living with one of
yours & he needs a lot of improvement”

—————-

Throwing knives at wife’s picture

Husband was throwing knives at his wife’s picture.

All were missing the target!

Suddenly he received call from her “Hi, what are you doing?”

His honest reply, “MISSING YOU.”

—
Habit of talking in sleep

A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What
should I give him to cure it?

Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.

—
natural DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt,

tsunamis to devastate,

hurricanes to swirl around

& no one teaches a man how to choose a wife.

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

—
Your husband needs rest

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some
sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!

September 30, 2013
Trusting the Pilot…

Times when you just have to trust the pilot
The last one is the best. …..

1. Tioman Island , Off the coast of Malaysia

2. Wake Island, Pacific Ocean

3. Macao Intl Airport

4. Kuujjuaraapik , Quebec !

5. A rock, off the coast of Greenwood(Canadian Military Labrador Helicopter)

Outstanding job by a great young pilot from Pennsylvania !

Can’t add anything else to this… the picture is worth 10,000 words!
If you don’t think our military pilots earn their pay, you need to take
a look at this picture.

This photo was taken by a soldier in Afghanistan of a hello rescue mission.
The pilot is a PA National Guard guy who flies EMS choppers in civilian life.

September 30, 2013