Author: csiadmin

Revenge

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend
to gamble.
He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left
but a quarter and the second half of his round trip
ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the
airport, and then he’d be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there
was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation
to the cabbie.
He promised to send the driver money from home.
He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers
license number, his address, etc…

The cabbie said,
“If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the heck out of my cab!”

So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport
and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and
hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas
and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front
of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long
line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give
him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could
make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit
on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line,

“How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked?
“Fifteen bucks,” came the reply.

“And how much for you to give me a bj on the way?”
“What?! Get the heck out of my cab.”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the
long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line,
he got in and asked,
“How much for a ride to the airport?”
The cabbie replied, “Fifteen bucks.”

The businessman said, “OK,” and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs,
the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to
each of the other drivers.

May 27, 2013
One of the best mails you must have ever received

May 26, 2013
Broccoli

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel’s elevator.

On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and
arrogantly says to the old lady,

“Georgio, $100 an ounce.”

On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps
on and says,

“Chanel, $150 an ounce.”

The old lady’s floor approaches and as the doors open,
she bends over, farts and says,

“Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.”

May 26, 2013
Start your week with a puzzle. mmm

Lateral thinking

IF YOU ANSWER ALL FOUR, YOU ARE A GENIUS, ITS TRICKY NOT TOUGH!

Check out your lateral thinking power!

The first 4 images are the questions. Answers are given at the end.

Please do not look at the answers first, these are really good. Try it.

Question 1

Question 2

Question 3

Question 4

ANSWERS

* 1. The last person took the basket with the egg in it.

* 2. All the other card players were women.

* 3. Pour the juice from the second glass into the fifth.

* 4. The recluse lived in a lighthouse.

PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

May 26, 2013
Give yrself a short break : University Students

University Students

A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and found another table to sit at.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly over to the guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT’S TOO MUCH!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ear: “I study law, and I know how to screw people”.

May 23, 2013
Chinese Hospitality

CHINESE HOSPITALITY

The Chinese have been trying to push tourism to China to greater heights. So the government has asked all hotels, tourist guides and restaurants to provide all best possible services and proper guidance to tourists and learn English. The hotels have now adopted a professional approach to attracting and guiding tourists – of which the following welcome letter provide a few examples.

WELCOME LETTER

Getting There

Our representative will make you wait at the airport.
The hotel bus runs along the lake and you will feel pleasure in passing water.
You will know the hotel is near, because you will go round the bend.
As you come into the hotel, our beautiful manager will offer welcome drinks
and then have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel

This is a family hotel, so adultery and children are welcome.
Nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.
Guests are invited to mate in the bar and expose themselves to others.
It is good to have intercourse with others and become fast friends.
But please note that ladies are not allowed to have their babies in the bar.
With our help they can be delivered in the baby centre.
We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with himself.

Your Room

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.
In winter, every room is on heat.
Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity.
All your needs are from room service.
Please feel free to ring for the chambermaid and take advantage of her.

Hospitality

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will struggle to forget it.

May 23, 2013
The Wire Brush

An army major visits the sick soldiers in a military
infirmary.
He goes up to one private and asks:

“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front, Sir.”
“Good man.” says the Major.

He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic piles, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front, Sir.”
“Good man.” says the Major.

He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”

“To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir”

May 23, 2013

The wife said ” fix the gutter downspout”

My wife said “Fix that gutter downspout TODAY!”
So I invited the boys over. One brought his welder the others brought beer.
Took us about 4 hours, mostly for the beer, but we got the downspout fixed.

Wife is still speechless…
But I’m not certain for much longer …..

Too funny not to share this……………. Priceless!

Bless her little heart… How sweet…

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above:,

She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said,

“I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?”

“I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice, big fat joint.

Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, have sex, and I don’t exercise at all.

“That is absolutely amazing! Just how old are you?”

“Forty,” she replied

May 22, 2013
Chicken, horse and Harley

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse,
both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing,
when the horse fell into a bog
and began to sink.

Scared for his life,
the horse whinnied for the chicken
to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and
searched for the farmer, but to no avail,
for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the
farmer’s new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition,
the chicken sped off with a length of rope,
hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy,
to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley,
and he managed to get a hold of the loop
of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper
of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove
slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,
rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley
back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was
none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented:

Best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit,
and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out
to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over,
and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath,he told the chicken to grab
his hangy-down thingy and he would then
lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse
pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?
(Yep, You betcha… There is a moral!)

‘When you’re hung like a horse,
you don’t need a Harley to pick up chicks!’

May 22, 2013