Wan's World

Author: csiadmin

  • Being 8 again

    WAN

    To Be 8 again! 
    You’re gonna love this one

    A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,     talking to his wife. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

    ‘I’d like to be eight again’.

    On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World themepark. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

    Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a Chocolate shake.

    Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! 

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. 

    He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 

    ‘I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! Retard!!!!’

    The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

  • If my body were a car

    If My Body Were a Car!
    This is just

    Too funny – scary how true it is!!!

    If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinkingabout trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull…
    But that’s not the worst of it.

    My headlights are out of focus,
    And it’s especially hard to see things up close.

    My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

    My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

    It takes me hours to reach mymaximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

    But here’s the worst of it.

    Almostevery time I sneeze, cough orsputter,
    Either My Radiator Leaks or My Exhaust Backfires!

  • Retirement options

    Something to do in retirement!

  • Friends ………..or looking after your mates…

    WAN

    A man invites his mate back home for dinner.
    His wife screams at him, “I’ve not done my hair, not done my make up, not done any housework, not done the dishes & can’t bebothered with cooking! What the f**k did you invite him round for?”

    “’Cos he’s thinking of getting married..”

  • Your morning smile!!

  • Women in there pictures

    Three pictures — women & men
    Women in three pictures�
    Men in three pictures�

  • PADDY AND MICK – Again

    WANBloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, “Do you want the winner of the next race?”
    Paddy replies “No tanks, I’ve only got a small garden    .”

     


    Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.
    Mick, “What if one explodes before we get there?”
    Paddy, “We’ll lie and say we only found two!”



    A coach load of Paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going. The driver won £52!

     

     

    Paddy’s racing snail is not winning races anymore. So he decided to take its shell off to reduce its weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn’t ‘ t work; if anything it made him more sluggish.



    Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says, “Bejesas, I’ve just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb.
    The operator asks, “Is it tickin? Paddy says, “No I tink it’s turkey.”

     

     

    Joe says to Paddy, “Close your curtains the next time you ‘ re making love to your wife. The whole street was watching yesterday, and laughing at you.”

    Paddy says, “Well the joke ‘ s on them, stupid, because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

     

     

     

    Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, “Oh, no, Paddy, what ya doing?” Paddy says, “Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.”



    Paddy says to Mick, “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going to do it a bit different.

    3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?” Paddy replies, “I’ll take her with me!”

    Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” Mick says, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”



    Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. “Did you find the shampoo?” Paddy says, “Yes, but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”

  • Test Senior Eye Exam

    SENIOR EYE EXAM

    Do you need glasses??
    Look carefully at the picture below.

    Did you see the bare bum of the girl in the background?

    If you did see that in the picture, you need to have your
    eyes checked, as that is the armpit of the girl holding the camera.
    My appointment is at 2pm tomorrow.  I’M STILL VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!

  • PHENOMENAL 2 LETTER WORD!!

    WANOne that you can have fun with…

    I’m sure you will enjoy this. Here is one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb,

    adj, adv, prep.

     UP
    Read until the end … you’ll laugh.

    This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is’UP.’   It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

    It’s easy to understand UP,  meaning toward the sky or at the top of the  list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

    At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?  We call UP  our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP  the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.  We lock UP  the house and fix UP the old car.

    At other times, this little word has real special meaning.

    People stir UP  trouble, line UP for tickets,  work UP  an appetite, and think UP excuses.

    To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

    And this UP  is confusing:  A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

    We open UP  a store in the morning but we close it UP at  night.  We seem to be pretty mixed UP  about UP!

    To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of  UP,  look UP the  word UP  in the dictionary.  In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP  almost  1/4 of the page

    and can add  UP to about thirty definitions.

    If  you are UP  to it, you might try building UP  a list of the many ways UP  is  used.  It will take UP  a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP,  you may wind UP  with a hundred or more.

    When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding  UP.  When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP.   When it rains, it soaks UP the  earth.  When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.   One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP,  for now . . . my time is UP!

    Oh  . . . one more thing:  What is the first  thing you do in the morning and the last thing  you do at night?


    U
     
    P    !

    Did that one crack you UP?

    Don’t  screw UP.   Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not .. . . it’s UP  to  you.

    Now I’ll shut UP!

  • Select a good Retirement Home …

    Before you select your Retirement Home

    Check to make sure the staff are happy

    to be of service.