Author: csiadmin

  • HOW DID I LIVE ALL THESE YEARS WITHOUT KNOWING THIS?

    THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND

     

      I’ll bet you never knew this!!!        

    In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following community ceremony:-

    They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward.  A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each the men. 

    She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects.  

    (This keeps them off his face during the ceremony)

    A specially chosen nubile and very beautiful naked girl then does a sexy and sensuous dance in the center of the circle. 

    As soon as all the men become fully aroused and develop erections, the kneeling girls then reach over the knees, pull the fully erected penises downwards as much as they can and then on a given signal from the centre dancer release them.          

    The men’s penises would then spring back up and go “WHAP!” against their belly buttons.   

    This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity . . .the man who killed the most flies was elected to the court of the King.  

    And that folk’s is why the current capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok. 

  • Sex on Mars

    The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

    They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

    Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

    ‘Just how do you guys do it?’ asks Maureen.

    The Martian responds, ‘Pretty much the way you do.’

    A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

    ‘I don’t think this is going to work,’ says Maureen.

    ‘Why?’ he asks. ‘What’s the matter?’

    ‘Well,’ she replies, ‘it’s just not long enough to reach me!’

    ‘No problem,’ he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite impressively long.

    ‘Well,’ she says, ‘that’s quite impressive, but it is still narrow.’

    ‘No problem,’ he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

    ‘Wow!’ she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

    The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, ‘Well, was it any good?’

    ‘I hate to say it,’ says Maureen, ‘but it was wonderful. How about you?’

    ‘It was horrible,’ he replies. ‘All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.’

  • Bagpiper at a funeral

     

    I found this anonymous article deeply moving
    — I hope you do, too.

     

     

     

    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. 

    Recently I was asked by a Funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless Man. 
    He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper’s’ cemetery in the back country.
    As I was not familiar with the backwoods,
    I got lost and,  being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.

    I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.  There were only the Diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

    I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
    I went to the Side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
    I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.
    I played  out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
    I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

    And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep.
    They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
    When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.
    Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,
    “I Never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic Tanks for twenty years.”

    Apparently I’m still lost….it’s a man thing

  • CPR For Chickens- HILARIOUS!!!

    WAN
    Only in Arkansas .  This is about a lady who lives in Arkadelphia , Ark. She gave CPR to a chicken, and saved its life, and was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  With Terry Bradshaw as a guest also.

    Make sure your sound is on. Video quality isn’t as good as you might like.

    The lady is a born comic, and Terry Bradshaw’s reaction is worth watching!

    Chick_em

  • Graceland

    WAN

    Wonderful Slide Show from Elvis Presley Graceland.

    File will download. You will need a Power Point Viewer.

    Graceland

  • Poker Move

    WANTwo couples were playing poker one evening. 

    Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob’s wife, Sue wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

    Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob’s wife 

    followed and asked, ‘Did you see anything that you like under there?’ 

    Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. 

    She said, ‘Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500. ‘After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. 

    Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn’t, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

    When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob’s house at 2 p.m.  sharp – and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 – they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left.

    As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving,  asked his wife: ‘Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?’ 

    With a lump in her throat Sue answered ‘Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.’ 

    Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,  ‘And did he give you $500?’ 

    Sue , using her best poker face, replied, ‘Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.’ 

    Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,  ‘He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me.  He promised he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.’

    Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!

  • British sense of humour …….

    WAN
    A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter Scale has hit Pakistan.

    Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.

    The country is totally ruined and the government doesn’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

    The rest of the world is in shock.

    The USA is sending troops to help.

    Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

    Latin American countries are sending supplies.

    New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

    The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.

    Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.

    Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million Pakistanis as replacements…

    *God Bless British generosity.*

  • HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

    WAN

    HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

     

    God went to the Arabs and said,

    ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’

    The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’

    And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

    ‘Can you give us an example?’

    ‘Thou shall not kill.’

    ‘Not kill? We’re not interested..’

    So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

    The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,  ‘Honour thy Father and Mother.’

    ‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are.

    We’re not interested.’

    Then He went to the Mexicans and said,

    ‘I have commandments.’
    The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’

    ‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

    Then He went to the French and said,  ‘I have Commandments.’

    The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’

    ‘Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’

    Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments..’

    ‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’

    ‘They’re free.’

    ‘We’ll take 10.’

    There, that should offend just about everybody.

  • 9 Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime

    WAN

    9 Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime

    Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But, ready or not, here they come.

    1. The Post Office

    Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fastway, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

    2. The Cheque

    Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheque by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process cheques. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

    3. The Newspaper

    The younger generation simply doesn’t read the newspaper. They certainly don’t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman, butcher, baker and fruit and veg man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

    4. The Book

    You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. Many said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes because they wanted hard copy CD.  When they discovered they get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music they changed their minds. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. Just think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can’t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you’re holding a gadget instead of a book.

    5. The Land Line Telephone

    Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don’t need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they’ve always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes

    6. Music

    This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It’s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is “catalogue items,” meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, “Appetite for Self-Destruction” by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, “Before the Music Dies.”

    7. Television

    Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. Many people are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they’re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. It’s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. People will  choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

    8. The “Things” That You Own

    Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in “the cloud.” Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest “cloud services.” That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That’s the good news. But, will you actually own any of this “stuff” or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big “Poof?” Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical?  It makes you want to run to the cupboard and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

    9. Privacy 

    If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That’s gone. It’s been gone for a long time anyway. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, “They” know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the  Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. “They” will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.  All we will have left that can’t be changed are “Memories”.

    And then probably Alzheimer’s will take that away from you too!