Wan's World

Category: Wan’s Humour

General Audience Humour

  • Designer dog houses for spoiled pets

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  • The Best of Tim Whyatt

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    Tim Whyatt is Australia ‘s equivalent of Gary Larson.  These are some of his best down under cartoons.

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  • Unique Kodak Moments

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  • Faceless

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  • Grocery Shopping

    A man walked into the produce section of 
    his local supermarket and asked to buy 
    half a head of lettuce. 

    The boy working in that department told 
    him that they only sold whole heads of 
    lettuce. The man was insistent that the 
    boy ask his manager about the matter.

    Walking into the back room, the boy 
    said to his manager, 

    “Some a**hole wants to buy a half a head 
    of lettuce.” 
    As he finished his sentence, he turned 
    to find the man standing right behind him, 
    so he added, 
    “and this gentleman kindly offered to buy 
    the other half.”

    The manager approved the deal and the man 
    went on his way. Later the manager found 
    the boy and said, 

    “I was impressed with the way you got yourself 
    out of that situation earlier. We like people 
    who think on their feet here. Where are you 
    from , son?” 

    “Canada, sir,” the boy replied.

    “Well, why did you leave Canada,” 
    the manager asked. 

    The boy said, 
    “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and 
    hockey players up there.”

    “Really!” said the manager. 
    “My wife is from Canada!”

    The boy replied, 

    “No kidding???? Who did she play for?”

    WAN

  • THIS IS BRILLIANT!

    Defence Attorney:
    Will you please state your age?

    Old Lady:
    I am 94 years old.

    Defence Attorney:
    Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

    Old Lady:
    There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,
    When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

    Defence Attorney:
    Did you know him?

    Old Lady:
    No, but he sure was friendly.

    Defence Attorney:
    What happened after he sat down?

    Old Lady:
    He started to rub my thigh.

    Defence Attorney:
    Did you stop him?

    Old Lady:
    No, I didn’t stop him.

    Defence Attorney:
    Why not?

    Little Old Lady:
    It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

    Defence Attorney:
    What happened next?

    Old Lady:
    He began to rub all over my body.

    Defence Attorney:
    Did you stop him then?

    Old Lady:
    No, I did not stop him.

    Defence Attorney:
    Why not?

    Old Lady:
    His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

    Defence Attorney:
    What happened next?

    Old Lady:
    Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy’ that I just laid down and told him
    ‘Take me, young man. Take me now!’

    Defence Attorney:
    Did he take you?

    Old Lady:
    Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘April Fool!’ And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.

    WAN

  • Mathematics Trick

    Math trick …

    How to change a number 1 to a number 2…..

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  • off the coast of Kerry in 1998

    Transcript of actual radio conversation between the British and Irish, off the coast of Kerry in 1998.

    Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10.10.98.

     

    IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

     

    BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

     

    IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

     

    BRITISH: This is the captain of a British navy ship.  I say again divert YOUR course.

     

    IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert your course.

     

    BRITISH: This is the aircraft carrier HMS Britannia, the second largest ship in the British Atlantic fleet!

    We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels.

    I demand that you change your course 15 degrees to the north.

    I say again, that is 15 degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the

    safety of this ship.

     

    IRISH:  We are a lighthouse…….Your call.

    WAN

  • Head hunter’s fast food.

    Love this one….

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  • The twilight years

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    They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other’s company.

     After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening.

     They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

    Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink.

     Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

     As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they’d shared, each was lost for a time in their own  thoughts…..

     Claude was thinking: ‘If I’d known she was still a virgin,  I’d have been gentler.’

     Maude was thinking: ‘If I’d known he could still do it, I’d have taken my tights off. ‘