Category: Wan’s Humour

NO  SEX Since 1955

A  crusty old Marine Sergeant Major (***) found himself at a gala event hosted by a  local liberal arts college.

There  was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of  whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

“Excuse  me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something  bothering you?”

“Negative,  ma’am. Just serious by nature.”

The  young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you  have seen a lot of action.”

“Yes,  ma’am, a lot of action.”

The  young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you  should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The  Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally  the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but  when is the last time you had sex?”

“1955,  ma’am.”

“Well,  there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I  mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where  she proceeded to “relax” him several times.

Afterwards,  panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”

The  Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130  now.”

(Gotta  love military time)

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid but he says he can stop at any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the moon goes and it finally dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They report said I had type-A blood, but it was a typ-o.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro – what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!