Green Shoes at the MastersWhether you golf or not, these are AWESOME shoes!Nike now markets Green Shoes,first seen at the 2012 Masters Tournament.The Shoes, Look at the Shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sometimes I think I’m wasting my time!
Category: Wan’s Humour
General Audience Humour
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Green Shoes At The Masters Golf Tournament
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Senior Ponderings
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s ass.
It’s the tortoise life for me soon!
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and still it is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don’t think so. I’m retired. Go around me.
Some Senior Thoughts
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m hereafter.
19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
20. I’M UNABLE TO REMEMBER WHETHER I’VE SENT YOU THIS BEFORE…
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What would you wish for?
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and
places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up
and asks what’s in the bag.The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
one foot high and sets him on the counter.He reaches back
into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter
as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a
beautiful piece by Mozart! ‘Where on earth did you get that?’ says the bartender.The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: ‘Here. Rub it.’So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. ‘I will grant you one wish. Just ! one wish~~ each person is only allowed one!’
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, ‘I want a million bucks!’ A few moments later, a duck walks into
the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.
pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks
and they keep coming!The bartender turns to the man and says, ‘Y’know, I think
your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks,
not a million ducks.’‘Tell me about it!!’ says the man,
‘do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist? -
A Senior Moment
A Senior Moment! A situation calling for restraint!
Look again– two, three times!
Have a laugh!!
These are the backs of the bar stools.
Just goes to prove – things aren’t always what they appear to be at first glance??????
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A salute to ageing
TO MY AGELESS FRIENDS
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How to be cruel to old guys:
AARP Eye Chart
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Please pay attention to the last one.
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Life explained
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
So God agreed……
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”And God agreed……
On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”And God agreed again……
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service .
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Family Dinner Party
My wife hosted a dinner party for both sides of our entire family and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well.During dinner, my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me.
I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me. I finally asked her, “Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet waiting for her response.
My little niece said, “I’m just waiting to see how you drink like a fish.”
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Muslim thinking
A young Arab asks his father, “What is that weird hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun.”“And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?” asked the young man.
“It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body.” said the father.
The son asked, “And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, “These are ‘babouches”, which keep us from burning our feet in the desert.”
“Tell me,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son?”
“Why are you living in Blackburn and still wearing all this crap ?”
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A golf story
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
“I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon.
“The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”
“Oh God no!” cries the man “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”
“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm.
I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.”
“Go for it doc” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. “Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.
“Just great,” says the businessman. “I’m playing the best golf of my life.
My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”
“That’s great,” said the surgeon.
“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors.”
“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”
“Well, just one problem,” said the golfer.
“Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.
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Why you need a camera phone
Reasons for having a camera phone
I thought this was a brilliant ad against drug abuse and shoplifting!!!
Eish … she’s married Casper !!!
