Mature Humour for the more sophisticated
THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND
I’ll bet you never knew this!!!
In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following community ceremony:-
They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each the men.
She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects.
(This keeps them off his face during the ceremony)
A specially chosen nubile and very beautiful naked girl then does a sexy and sensuous dance in the center of the circle.
As soon as all the men become fully aroused and develop erections, the kneeling girls then reach over the knees, pull the fully erected penises downwards as much as they can and then on a given signal from the centre dancer release them.
The men’s penises would then spring back up and go “WHAP!” against their belly buttons.
This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity . . .the man who killed the most flies was elected to the court of the King.
And that folk’s is why the current capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok.
| The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. ‘Just how do you guys do it?’ asks Maureen. The Martian responds, ‘Pretty much the way you do.’ A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick. ‘I don’t think this is going to work,’ says Maureen. ‘Why?’ he asks. ‘What’s the matter?’ ‘Well,’ she replies, ‘it’s just not long enough to reach me!’ ‘No problem,’ he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite impressively long. ‘Well,’ she says, ‘that’s quite impressive, but it is still narrow.’ ‘No problem,’ he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. ‘Wow!’ she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, ‘Well, was it any good?’ ‘I hate to say it,’ says Maureen, ‘but it was wonderful. How about you?’ ‘It was horrible,’ he replies. ‘All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.’ |
Ray is gay.
He goes into the doctor’s office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says, ‘ Ray, I’m not going to beat around the bush.
You have AIDS.’
Ray is devastated. ‘Doc, what can I do?’
Doc says ‘Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of All Bran, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice’.
Ray asks bewildered, ‘ Will that cure me, Doc?’
Doc says, ‘No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for’.
WHO KNEW?
Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 132 if he were alive today.
Few people remember that he married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.
At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa “because she was so well endowed”.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.
This came to be known as . . . .
Einstein’s Theory of “Relative Titty.”
Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this sh*t, I receive it from my warped friends.
Anyway, it beats the hell out of all that political crap.
A teacher in Detroit asks a student to use the word “handsome” in a sentence.
A GIRL NAMED Latisha says:
“Sometimes when I be suckin’ Jamal’s soul pole, my jaw git sore and I hafta use my handsome.”
The quality of our educational system sometimes brings a tear to my eye!
If advertisers took their slogans off of famous brands and applied them on condom packages this is what they would look like. Now the famous Nike slogan
“Just do it”
gets a whole new meaning.
My wife, was always nagging me to go shopping with her..
Then I began wearing my new t -shirt.
She doesn’t want me to go shopping with her anymore.
“If you’re not laughing, you’re not living….”
Beer Anyone?
Gotta love those Germans!
I don’t care what kind of beer it is,
it ain’t gonna taste the same served this way!!
Sort of gives a whole new meaning to getting pissed….