Category: Wan’s Wisdom

Some Deeper meaning stories

  • Legal puzzle !!!!

    This is too good not to share.
    WANMT. VERNON, TEXAS.. WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

    Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church across the street started a campaign to block the business from e xpanding — with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
    Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

    After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.”
    But late last week Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church … “was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business — either through direct or indirect divine actions or means.”
    In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.
    The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it’s all bullshit!”

  • New Warning!

    WAN

    It’s so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!
    IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!! Shampoo Warning!
    I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning, “FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.”
    No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn dishwashing soap instead.
    Its label reads,  “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE”. Problem solved! If I don’t answer the phone I’ll be in the shower!
  • The New Priest

    WAN

    The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,
    so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.

    The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old
    priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a
    few suggestions.

    The old priest says,
    “Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin
    with one hand.”

    The new priest tries this.
    The old priest suggests,
    “Try saying things like, ‘I see,’ ‘yes,’ ‘go on,’ ‘I understand,’
    and ‘how did you feel about that?’”

    The new priest says those things, trying them out.

    The old priest says,
    “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than
    saying, ‘Whoa, bugga me… What happened next?’”

  • For a better understanding of the economy

    WAN

    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbour

    COMMUNISM
    … You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
    throws the milk away

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy
    grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income

    ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
    your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
    for five cows.
    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
    The public then buys your bull.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to
    produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
    the cow has dropped dead.

    A GREEK CORPORATION
    You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
    dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
    You still only have two cows.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
    cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
    twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
    market it worldwide.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows,
    but you don’t know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
    You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive…

  • A Pilot Father’s Tough Love…

    A Pilot Father’s Tough Love…

    Most people today think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of ‘those moments.’
    Since I’m a pilot, one method that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a short flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behaviour. A Pilot Father’s Tough Love…

    I don’t know whether it’s the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc.
    Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together.  I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.
    I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique…
    Should work with grand-kids also !!!
  • Winter

    WAN

    You know. . . Time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of
    the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married

    and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons

    ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I

    have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

    But, here it is… The winter of my life and it catches me by
    surprise….How

    did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I

    remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those

    older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I

    could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.

    But, here it is…my friends are retired and getting grey…they move slower

    and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than

    me…but, I see the great change…Not like the ones that I remember who

    were young and vibrant…but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we

    are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d be.

    Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the

    day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore… it’s mandatory! Cause if I

    don’t on my own free will… I just fall asleep where I sit!

    And so…now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the

    aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things

    that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the

    winter has come, and I’m not sure how long it will last…this I know, that

    when it’s over on this earth…it’s over. A new adventure will begin!

    Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done…things I should

    have done, but indeed, there are many things I’m happy to have done. It’s

    all in a lifetime.

    So, if you’re not in your winter yet…let me remind you, that it will be

    here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in

    your life please do it quickly! Don’t put things off too long!! Life goes by

    quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is

    your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of

    your life…so, live for today and say all the things that you want your

    loved ones to remember…and hope that they appreciate and love you for all

    the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

    “Life” is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those

    who come after. Make it a fantastic one.

    LIVE IT WELL!

    ENJOY TODAY!

    DO SOMETHING FUN!

    BE HAPPY !

    HAVE A GREAT DAY

  • Passport Letter

    ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER—–HILARIOUS!

    This, apparently is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

    Dear Sirs,

    I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

    For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

    * My birth date you have on my pension book.

    * It’s on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years.

    * It is on my National Health card.

    * My driving license.

    * My car insurance.

    * On the last eight damn passports I’ve had.

    * It’s on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

    * All those insufferable census forms.

    * Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Mary Anne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be abso-f***ing-lutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!!!!!

    I apologise, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit!

    You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f***ing address!!!!
    What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholesworkin’ there?
    Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden?

    I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

    And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you’d be the last f***ing people I’d want to tell!

    Well, I have to go now ’cause I have to go to the other end of thepoxy city to get another f***ing copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

    Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??Nooooooooooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

    You’d rather have us running all over the f***in’ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find somearsehole to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucraticf***in’ morons)

    Hey, do you know why we couldn’t smile if we wanted to? Because we’re totally pissed off!

    Signed

    An Irate Citizen.

    WANP.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it’s me?

    Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 …………
    I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world. …….. However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am – you know, someone like my doctor –
    WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN
    PAKISTAN !!!
    Sincerely,
    YOURS
  • Enjoy life

    54-story twisting tower in Malmo , Sweden .

     

    The Breathtaking Melissani Cave in Greece .

     

    The Crooked Forest

     

    Komodo Island   Indonesia

     

    Piano and Violin Building   China

     

    Firework Long Exposure Shot

     

    Mountain-side farming in the province of Bolzano (Bozen) in Italy .

     

    Tree House

     

    Lavender Field  France

     

    The pink and lovely…” Hiller Lake ” ( Western Australia )
    Its startling colour remains a mystery and while scientists have proven it’s not due to the presence of algae,
    unlike the other salt lakes down under, they still can’t explain why it’s pink.

     

    The gap between Europe and the United States is widening – by one inch a year.This photograph shows the vast gap between the two tectonic plates, as seen by a British scuba diver.  
    Alex Mustard, 36, dived 80 feet into the crevice between North America and Eurasia to reveal the stunning landscape.
    The area – near Iceland – is riddled with faults, valleys, volcanoes and hot springs ,caused by the plates pulling apart at about 1 inch per year.

     

    ~Big Island , Hawaii

     

    An onlooker of the annular solar eclipse witnesses the celestial event on May 20, 2012 .Albuquerque, New Mexico , USA

     

    ‘Natural Architecture’ of Italy

     

    To Sua Ocean Trench – Upolu , Western Samoa

     

    The Fly Geyser – Wonder of Nature.  Nevada , US.

     

    World’s biggest cave found in Vietnam

     

    Meteora   Greece

     

    Cuban  land snail

     

    Frozen waterfall  Slovenia

     

    Lenticular Clouds above South Georgia Island

     

    Gardening Apartment , Thailand …

     

    Colorful Desserts

     

    Freedom Park Charlotte , NC

     

    Vermillion Cliffs National Monument , Arizona

     

    Christmas Lights, Selangor , Malaysia.

     

    ” Niagara waterfall – The edge”

     

    Grotta Palazzese, a restaurant located inside an ancient cave facing the Adriatic Sea

  • Complete & Finished

    WAN

    No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
    However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.

    His final challenge was this:
    Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
    Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

    Here is his astute answer:
    “When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
    But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
    And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

    His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes