Category: Wan’s Wisdom

Some Deeper meaning stories

  • Smart Alec

    WANANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0%

    I
    would have given him 100%

    Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
    * his last battle

    Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
    * at the bottom of the  page

    Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
    * liquid

    Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
    * marriage

    Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
    * exams

    Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
    * Lunch & dinner

    Q7. What looks like half an apple?
    * The other half

    Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
    * it will simply become wet

    Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ??
    * No problem, he sleeps at night.

    Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
    * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

    Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
    * Very large hands

    Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a  wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
    * No time at all, the wall is already  built.

    Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
    *Concrete floors are very hard to crack.

  • Granpa and Granma

    Make sure that you understand the question first….

    WANAll you Grandpas and Grandmas, this was too funny not to forward.   We are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears and keep the hearing aids tuned up. (Some of us anyway!) Enjoy!

     

     

     

    — What Is Couple Sex?

    An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, “Grampa, what is a couple sex?

    The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to know to ask the question then she’s old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.

    When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.  Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, “Why did you ask this question, honey?

    The little girl replied, “Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.

  • Psychic daughter

    WANA  father put his three year old daughter to  bed, told her a  story and listened to her prayers which she ended  by  saying:  “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy,  God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”

    The   father asked, “Why did you say   good-bye grandpa?”

    The little girl said, “I  don’t  know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to   do.”

    The  next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a  strange  coincidence.

    A few months later the father  put the girl  to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”

    The  next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought  the father, this  kid is in contact with the other  side.

    Several weeks  later when the girl was going to  bed the dad heard her  say:
    “God bless  Mommy and
    good-bye   Daddy.”

    he practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all  night and got up  at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was  nervous as a cat  all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.  He figured if he  could get by until midnight he would be   okay.

    He felt safe in the office, so instead of  going home at  the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,  looking at  his watch and jumping at every  sound..

    Finally  midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief  and went  home.
    When  he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you  work so late, what’s  the matter?”

    He  said “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent  the worst day  of my life.”

    She said   “You think you  had a bad day,  you’ll never believe what happened to  me.  This morning  the milkman dropped dead on our porch!!”

  • Before You’re Too Damned old!!!

    Here’s a little poem for you.

    Another year has passed
    and we’re all a little older.
    Last summer felt hotter
    and winter seems much colder.

    There was a time not long ago
    when life was quite a blast.
    Now I fully understand
    about ‘Living in the Past’

    We used to go to weddings,
    football games and lunches.
    Now we go to funeral homes,
    and after-funeral brunches.

    We used to have hangovers,
    from parties that were gay.
    Now we suffer body aches
    and while the night away.

    We used to go out dining,
    and couldn’t get our fill.
    Now we ask for doggie bags,
    come home and take a pill.

    We used to often travel
    to places near and far.
    Now we get sore asses
    from riding in the car.

    We used to go to nightclubs
    and drink a little booze.
    Now we stay home at night
    and watch the evening news.

    That, my friend is how life is and now my tale is told.

    So, enjoy each day and live it up…

    before you’re too damned old

  • The World as the common sees it.

    Not as they should, but as they do.

  • Eight thoughts to ponder…..

    EIGHT THOUGHTS TO PONDER

    WAN

    Number 8

    Life is sexually transmitted.

    Number 7

    Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    Number 6

    Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

    Number 5

    Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe even years.

    Number 4

    Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

    Number 3

    All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

    Number 2

    In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    And The Number 1 Thought

    Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers–what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

    And as someone recently said to me: “Don’t worry about old age–it doesn’t last that long.”

  • Law of the Garbage Truck

    Law of the Garbage Truck


    One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

    We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

    My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

    The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

    My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’ This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.

    He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

    As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you.

    Don’t take it personally.

    Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

    The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,

    so … Love the people who treat you right.

    Pray for the ones who don’t.

    Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

    Have a garbage-free day!

  • Electron microscopic photos of common things

    A whole new world out there.

    Amazing Scanning Electron Microscope Photos… Awesome!

     

    All these pictures are from the book ‘ Microcosmos,’ created by Brandon Brill from London.  This book includes many scanning electron microscope (SEM) images of insects, human body parts and household items.  These are the most amazing images of what is too small to see with the naked eye.

     

     An ant, Formica fusca, holding a microchip

     

    Surface of an Erasable Programmable Read-Only Memory silicon microchip

     

    Eyelash hairs growing from the surface of human skin

     

    The surface of a strawberry

    Bacteria on the surface of a human tongue

    Human sperm (spermatozoa)

    Nylon hooks and loops of Velcro

    Household dust: includes long hairs of cat fur, twisted synthetic and woolen fibers, serrated insect scales, a pollen grain, and plant and insect remains

    The weave of nylon stocking fibers

    The head of a mosquito

    Head louse clinging to a human hair

    Eight eyes (two groups of four) on the head of a tarantula

    Cut human hairs and shaving foam between two razor blades

    Cigarette paper the tobacco is rolled in

    Corroded surface of a rusty nail

    Mushrooms spores

    Clutch of  butterfly eggs on a raspberry plant

    Calcium phosphate crystal

     

    No wonder modern forensics solves so many crimes. 

  • 9 Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime

    WAN

    9 Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime

    Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But, ready or not, here they come.

    1. The Post Office

    Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fastway, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

    2. The Cheque

    Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheque by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process cheques. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

    3. The Newspaper

    The younger generation simply doesn’t read the newspaper. They certainly don’t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman, butcher, baker and fruit and veg man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

    4. The Book

    You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. Many said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes because they wanted hard copy CD.  When they discovered they get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music they changed their minds. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. Just think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can’t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you’re holding a gadget instead of a book.

    5. The Land Line Telephone

    Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don’t need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they’ve always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes

    6. Music

    This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It’s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is “catalogue items,” meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, “Appetite for Self-Destruction” by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, “Before the Music Dies.”

    7. Television

    Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. Many people are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they’re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. It’s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. People will  choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

    8. The “Things” That You Own

    Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in “the cloud.” Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest “cloud services.” That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That’s the good news. But, will you actually own any of this “stuff” or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big “Poof?” Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical?  It makes you want to run to the cupboard and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

    9. Privacy 

    If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That’s gone. It’s been gone for a long time anyway. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, “They” know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the  Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. “They” will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.  All we will have left that can’t be changed are “Memories”.

    And then probably Alzheimer’s will take that away from you too!

  • THE NIGHT WATCHMAN

    WANOnce upon a time, the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.  Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.”  So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

    Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”  So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

    Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?  “So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people.  One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.

    Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created two positions:  a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired two people.

    Then Congress said,  “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

    Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.”  So they eliminated  the NIGHT WATCHMAN .  Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the  DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter administration? Anybody?

     

    No?

     

    Didn’t think so!

     

    Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency….the reason for which not one person who reads this can  remember!

    Ready?? It was very simple… and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

    The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977, TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

    AND NOW IT’S 2012 — 35 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS  “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR and IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES  AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!

    (THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, “WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?”)

    34 years ago 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports.  Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.

    NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?

    Hello!!  Anybody Home?

    Signed….The Night Watchman