This woman is 51 yrs old.
She is TV health guru Gillian McKeith, advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and health, and promoting exercise, a vegetarian diet which is high in organic fruits and vegetables. She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation, and supplements.
This woman is also 51.
She is Nigella Lawson… A TV cook, who eats meat, butter, and desserts.
…. And, she washes it all down with wine!
I REST MY CASE. 🙂
I was asked, “At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get – Parkinsons or Alzheimer’s ?”
The wise one answered, “Definitely Parkinsons. Better to spill half an ounce of Brandy, Scotch, Bourbon, Irish Whiskey, Tequilla or Canadian Whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!”
ANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0%
I would have given him 100%
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* it will simply become wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ??
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Make sure that you understand the question first….
All you Grandpas and Grandmas, this was too funny not to forward. We are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears and keep the hearing aids tuned up. (Some of us anyway!) Enjoy!
— What Is Couple Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, “Grampa, what is a couple sex?
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to know to ask the question then she’s old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, “Why did you ask this question, honey?
The little girl replied, “Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.
Don’t mess with older folks!
A lady was videotaping her son riding a skate board when her attention switched to an old woman tryingto cross the street. You can hear the lady who is doing the taping giggling as she records the event. Be sure to focus on the driver of the car.The video is a quick one …. but you’ll probably watch it more than once.
Why….. Why….. Why….. ???
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A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?”
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
“God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”
he practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound..
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?”
He said “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!!”
The top ten reasons Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating
.
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You keep knocking on your own front door.
9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.
8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: ‘Great Boris Karloff Mask,’
And you’re not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, ‘Trick or…’
And you can’t remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn’t dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating…
*
*
*
1. You keep having to go home to pee!
No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway
Here’s a little poem for you.
Another year has passed
and we’re all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about ‘Living in the Past’
We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and while the night away.
We used to go out dining,
and couldn’t get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.
We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
from riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
and watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up…
before you’re too damned old
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