Month: November 2012

  • The Aussie and The Emu

    An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.

    The waitress asks them for their orders.

    The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,’ and turns to the emu, ‘What’s yours?’
    ‘Sounds great, I’ll have the  same,’ says the emu.

    A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40  please,’ and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

    The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke.’
    The emu says, ‘ Sounds great, I’ll have the same.’

    Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

    This becomes routine until the two enter again. ‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.

    ‘No, it’s Friday night, so I’ll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man..
    ‘ Same for me,’ says the emu.

    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’

    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?’

    ‘Well, love’ says  the  truckie, ‘a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

    My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’

    ‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!’

    ‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.’ says the man.
    Still curious the waitress asks, ‘What’s with the bloody emu?’

    The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.

  • Senior Day at the Super Market !!

    WAN

    Grocery Trip
    There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.
    “Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
    When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.
    I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They really need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer!
  • How to deal with a rude customer

    WAN

    For all Who Work With Rude Customers, isn’t it a shame WE can’t actually do this!
    An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
    A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin’s 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
    “I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS”.

    The attendant replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out..

    The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,”DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?

    Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:

    May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,” she began – her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.”We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.”

    With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,”F… You!

    Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)

    I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.

  • A romantic story from Wisconsin

    WAN

    A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

    In a calm voice, the husband said, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”

    The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.”

    He said, “Well, I’m in the bar right next to it.”