Month: December 2012

  • Apple Maps not fully at fault over Australian Mildura confusion

    Apple Maps not fully at fault over Australian Mildura confusion

    Australian government’s official gazeteer includes area called ‘Mildura Rural City’ at location previously shown on iPhones.

    Features of the District
    Location: Mildura District is a rural electorate located north-west of Melbourne.
    Area: 27,162 square kilometres.
    Features: The city of Mildura is the largest town in Mildura District and is situated on the Murray River. Mildura is the centre of an irrigation area known as Sunraysia, which is known for its dried fruits, citrus and vegetable industries. Other industries in the District include crop farming, fruit, vegetable and wine growing and tourism. Natural features include the northern part of the Big Desert, the Sunset Country and the Hattah Lakes.

    The following article by Charles Arthur is taken from a posting by the Guardian, London:

    Mildura Rural City
    The Australian government marker for ‘Mildura Rural City’, which may have contributed to the Apple Map confusion which led drivers astray

    Apple wasn’t completely wrong in directing Australians who searched for “Mildura” to the midst of the Murray-Sunset National Park – at least according to the Australian government’s official gazetteer, which includes a location called “Mildura Rural City” at the place where Mildura was previously marked on iPhone maps.

     

    As first noted by The Register news website, the official gazetteer – which is the authoritative reference for the names and locations of 384,104 places, objects and towns in the continent – contains an entry at the precise place to which Apple was directing hapless drivers until making a hurried correction on Monday.

     

    Police in Mildura had warned that using Apple’s iOS 6 maps could lead drivers astray and leave them stranded in the Murray-Sunset park, which at this time of year sees temperatures of up to 47C and has no water and poor phone reception. One man was stranded for 24 hours last week after navigating to the location, which is 44 miles (70km) from the actual town of 30,000.

     

    However Apple’s source for its misleading data is unimpeachable: the gazetteer is the official reference. It contains 36 entries for “Mildura”, including the fateful one for Mildura Rural City – which has “official” status and is listed as a “district” (comprising an “agricultural area, county, district, local government area, parish or region”).

     

    According to Wikipedia, Mildura Rural City is in fact an area of over 22,000 sq km in the northwestern part of Victoria state – but a gazetteer has to locate every entry at a point, and Geoscience Australia chose one in the middle of the park, rather than in the town.

     

    Apple’s mistake though was to ignore another entry for Mildura, which the gazetteer records as having the class of “POPL” – that is, a population centre, even though the gazetter’s explanatory index doesn’t explain that.

     

    The problem highlights an observation made by Ed Parsons, one of the chief geoscientists at Google, and formerly chief technology officer at the UK’s Ordnance Survey. Writing on his personal blog after Apple dropped Google from providing its maps product in September, but before the problems in Australia, Parsons wrote: “Making maps work well on a phone is not actually a cartography problem … yes you can use poor maps or conflate content from various sources without care producing a poor map, and people might get lost … but the reason we all use maps on out phones is that they help us find stuff – maps on smartphones are interfaces to local search … To be fair to our friends in Cupertino the maps are not that bad, all maps have some mistakes, but the bigger issue is the lack of a true geocoded search index of places and the search algorithms that sit around it.”

  • 2011 ‘Sheila’s Wheels’ Woman Driver Awards

    2011‘Sheila’s Wheels’ Woman Driver Awards:

    10th Place    

    Goes to:

    9th Place Goes 

    To:

    8th Place Goes 

    To:

    7th Place Goes 

    To:

    6th Place Goes 

    To:

    5th Place Goes 

    To:

    4th Place Goes 

    To:

    The Bronze 

    Medal Winner:

    The Silver 

    Medal Winner:

    .. and 

    finally, here is our 2011 Women Drivers Awards 

    *** Gold 

    Medal Winner ***

    WOW ! ! How the…?!? 

    Oh never mind… CONGRATULATIONS ! ! 

    This concludes the 2011 Sheila’s Wheels Women Drivers Awards Ceremony. 

    Thanks to all our contestants for giving us all a reason to laugh & smile

     

  • The Worst Age To Be

    WAN

    “Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there nothing comes out.”

    “Ah, that’s nothin,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”

    “Actually,” said the 80-year -old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

    “Do you have trouble peeing, too?” asked the 60-year old.

    “No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”

    “So, do you have a problem with your bowelmovement?”

    “No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”

    Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, “You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”

    “I don’t wake up until 7:00.”

  • The Best Hospital Sign!

    Well Done, Northampton!!!

    THE BEST HOSPITAL SIGN EVER?
    Where else but National Health in the UK?

  • Vacant vacationers

    WAN

    From Thomas Cook Holidays listing some of their UK clientele’s genuine complaints.

    1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”


    2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

    3. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry.
    I don’t like spicy food at all.”

    4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”

    7. “The beach was too sandy.”

    8. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellowbut it was white.”

    10. “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

    12. “No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”

    13. “There was no egg-slicer in the apartment.”

    14. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

    15. “The roads were uneven..”

    16. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home.”

    17. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”

    18. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers — will we be OK staying there?”

    19. “There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad.”

    20. “We had to queue outside with no air-conditioning.”

    21. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

    22. “I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite.”

    23. “My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room.
    We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”


    They walk amongst us and they vote!!! Be afraid! Be very afraid!
  • Oxymorons

    1.Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
    2. Why is the third hand On the watch
    Called the second hand?
    3.If a word is misspelled In the dictionary,
    How would we ever know?
    4.If Webster wrote the first dictionary,
    Where did he find the words?
    5.Why do we say something is out of whack?
    What is a whack?
    6.Why does “slow down” and
    “slow up” mean the same thing?
    7.Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance”
    Mean the same thing?
    8.Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
    9.Why do we sing”Take me out to the ball game”
    When we are already there?
    10.Why are they called ” stands”
    When they are made for sitting?
    11.Why is it called “after dark”
    When it really is “after light”?
    12..Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected”
    Make the unexpected expected?
    13.. Why are a “wise man” and
    A “wise guy” opposites?
    14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee”
    Mean opposite things?
    15.Why is “phonics”Not spelled
    The way it sounds?
    16.If work is so terrific,
    Why do they have to pay you to do it?
    17..If all the world is a stage,
    Where is the audience sitting?
    18..If love is blind,
    Why is lingerie so popular?
    19.If you are cross-eyed And have dyslexia,
    Can you read all right?
    20.Why is bra singular
    And panties plural?
    21..Why do you press harder On the buttons of a remote control
    When you know the batteries are dead?
    22.Why do we put suits in garment bags
    And garments in a suitcase?
    23.How come abbreviated
    Is such a long word?
    24. Why do we wash bath towels?
    Aren’t we clean when we use them?
    25..Why doesn’t glue
    Stick to the inside of the bottle?
    26.Why do they call it a TV set
    When you only have one?
    27.Christmas- What other time of the year
    Do you sit in front of a dead tree And eat candy out of your socks?
    28. Why do we drive on a parkway
    And park on a driveway?
    I dunno,why do we?
    SCROLL DOWN
    God Saw you Hungry
    & created McDonalds,
    Wendy’s, and Dairy Queen.
    He saw you Thirsty & created
    Coke,Juice,Coffee and
    Water.
    GOD saw you
    In the dark & created
    Light.
    GOD saw you Without a
    Good looking,Adorable,
    FRIEND………
    So He created
    MEhttp://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/worldmalayaliclub/
    Send this onTo your good friends
    Who are so

  • SANTA AND SARAH a must read

    WAN

    Remember the reason for the season!

    Grab a Kleenex and enjoy, hope and faith are successful ingredients in life to achieve health and love in the form of a miracle.

    SANTA AND SARAH a must read A very touching message !!!

    SANTA AND SARAH
    Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at the McAllister Mall in Saint John . The child climbed up on hislap, holding a picture of alittle girl.
    Who is this?” asked Santa, smiling. “Your friend?
    “Yes, Santa,’ he replied. “My sister, Sarah, who is very sick,” he said sadly.
    Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue. “She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!” the child exclaimed. “She misses you,”he added softly.
    Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy’s face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.
    When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.
    “What is it?” Santa asked warmly.
    “Well, I know it’s really too much to ask you, Santa, but..” the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa’s elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors.
    “The girl in the photograph…my granddaughter well, you see … she has leukemia and isn’t expected to make it even through the holidays,” she said through tear-filled eyes. “Is there any way, Santa, any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That’s all she’s asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa.”
    Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do. Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do. “What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying,” he thought with a sinking heart, “This is the least I can do.”
    When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to the Hospital.
    “Why?” Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
    Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah’s grandmother earlier that day.
    “C’ mon …..I’ll take you there.” Rick said softly. Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa.
    They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said, he would wait out in the hall.
    Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah in the bed.
    The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl’s brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah’s mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah’s thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah’s aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with a weary sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah.
    Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, “Ho, Ho, Ho!”
    “Santa!” shrieked little Sarah, weakly as she tried to escape her bed to run to him IV tubes intact.
    Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug.
    A child the tender age of his own son — 9 years old — gazed upat him with wonder and excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But, all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of, huge blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah’s face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women inthe room.
    As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa’s shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering “Thank you” as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she’d been a very good girl that year.
    As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl’s mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah’s bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels.
    “Oh, yes, Santa… I do!” she exclaimed.
    “Well, I’m going to ask angels watch over you.” he said. Laying one hand on the child’s head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that, God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing, softly, “Silent Night, Holy Night….all is calm, all is bright.” The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tearsof hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all.
    When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah’s frail, small hands in his own. “Now, Sarah,” he said authoritatively, “you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at McAllister Mall this time next year!”
    He knew it was risky proclaiming that to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he “had” to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could — not dolls or games or toys — but the gift of HOPE.
    “Yes, Santa!” Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright.
    He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room.
    Out in the hall, the minute Santa’seyes met Rick’s, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed.
    Sarah’s mother and grandmotherslipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa’s side to thank him.
    “My only child is the same age as Sarah,” he explained quietly. “This is the least I could do.” They nodded with understanding andhugged him.
    One year later, Santa was again back onthe set in Saint John for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and thenone day a child came up to sit on his lap.
    “Hi, Santa! Remember me?!”
    “Of course, I do,” Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her. After all, the secret to being a “good” Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the “only” child in the world at that moment.
    “You came to see me in the hospital last year!”
    Santa’s jaw dropped. Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, andhe grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest. “Sarah!” he exclaimed. Hescarcely recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy — much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah’s mother and grandmother in thesidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.
    That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus.
    He had witnessed –and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about — this miracle of hope. Thisprecious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humblywhispered, “Thank you, Father. ‘Tis a very, Merry Christmas!
    If you believe in miracles youwill pass this on…I did!

  • An Aussie Xmas Tale..

    Night Before Christmas in Aussie land

    ‘Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn’t a sound.

    Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.
    We’d left on the table some tucker and beer,

    Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;

    We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,

    While dreams of pavlova danced ’round in our heads;
    And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,

    Had just settled down to watch TV sports.

    When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;

    Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.

    We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,

    Snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.

    Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,

    But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty kangaroos.

    The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,

    And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

    Now, I’m telling the truth it’s all dinki-di,

    Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
    Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,

    And encouraged the ‘roos, by calling their names.

    ‘Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane!

    On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!

    Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,

    I’ll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!’

    So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,

    With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.

    He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,

    Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.

    He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.

    A jolly old joker was how he appeared.

    He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,

    And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.

    His eyes – bright as opals – Oh! How they twinkled!

    And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!

    His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly

    Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

    A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,

    And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.

    He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,

    To position our goodies beneath the Yule tree.

    Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.

    And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.

    A mysterious package he left for our Mum,

    Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;

    He strolled out on deck and his ‘roos came on cue;

    Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.

    He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates-

    MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!’

  • THE IRISH PROSTITUTE

    WANAn Irish daughter had not been home for several years.

    Upon her return, her father cussed her “Where have ye been all this time?
    Why did ye not write to us ? not even a line.
    Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?”.

    The girl, crying, replied, Sniff, sniff….”Dad. …
    I became a prostitute…”

    “Ye what!!?
    Out of here, ye shameless harlot!
    Sinner!
    You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family, so yer are.”

    “OK, Daddy– as ye wish.
    I just came back to give Mammy this luxurious fur coat and title deed to a ten room mansion   …

    For me little brother Seamus this gold Rolex.

    And for ye Daddy the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the Limerick Country Club

    ……… ……………… (takes a breath)….. …….. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my  yacht in the  Caribbean and… .”

    “Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad.

    Girl, crying again, Sniff, sniff….
    “A prostitute Daddy!” Sniff, sniff.

    “Oh! Be Jesus!
    Ye scared me half to death girl!
    I thought ye said a PROTESTANT.
    Come here and give yer old Daddy a big hug.”

  • A Fairy Tale

    WAN

    Once upon a time there’s this yellow toad wandering around in the forest ticked off because he doesn’t want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads. He’d sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway, this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.

    “Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads, ” he begs her. “I’m ticked off being so visible to predators.   The stress is like, killing me, you know?” 

    “Okay” says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and goes: “Abracapokus! You’re brown!”

    The toad looks down and sees that he is brown! Except, for his weenie, which was still yellow. 
     
    “Hang on lady,” he says to the fairy godmother, “My pecker’s stillyellow!”

    “Yeah, well I don’t do weenies,” she says,  “You’ll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that.”

    So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way.

    There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes, okay, it’s a coincidence, but it’s true, trust me). 
     
    “Fairy Godmother! You’re just the person I need!” says the purple bear, “I can’t pull any bearesses ‘coss they don’t want to be seen with a purple bear on account of the hunters. They can spot me from a mile off.” 


    Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand.
     “Oh for goodness sake, what is the matter with you lot round here” she says. and with that, she yells: “Pokuscadabra! You’re brown!”

    The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown. Except for his goolies, which remain purple. 
     
    “Hold up sweetheart!”, he says to the fairy Godmother, “My gooliesare still purple!”

     
    “Yeah, well I don’t do those goolie things,” she replies, “You’ll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that.” 
    “Well that’s just dandy,” the bear replies, “How the hell do I find the Wizard of Oz?” 
    “Easy,” says the fairy godmother as she flew off, “Just follow the yellow-prick toad!” J