What is the primary advantage of rotary-winged aircraft
over fixed-winged aircraft?...........I got it wrong, too!
Apple does it again
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
“Never squat while wearing your spurs”
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the
greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman.
Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it
and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence
and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it’s still there.
11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER…
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft.
Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble,
you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
THIS IS A FUNERAL HOME IN ALABAMA !
Just when you thought you’ve seen everything …
DEAD in his favourite chair (reclined), remote in hand …
Don’t miss the new, silky, black & gold pj’s, slippers and beer!
And are those a pack of Newport’s in his ashtray?
AND the football game is ON!
So, you thought you’d seen it all, eh?
THE MEMORIAL STONE
Billy died …. His will provided $30,000 for this elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jonelle.
“Well, I’m sure Billy would be pleased,” she said.
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jonelle, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“How much did this really cost?”
“All of it,” said Joyce .. “Thirty thousand dollars.”
“No!” Jonelle exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”
Joyce answered, “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The whisky, wine, food and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.”
Jonelle quickly computed the total of $7,500 and said “$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?”
Joyce answered, “Two and a half carats”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy is Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto, a professional golfer:
He was married to — this woman.
Her name is Cibele Dorsa.
She is a Brazilian swimsuit, Victoria ‘s Secret, and Playboy model.
He divorced her because he fell in love with this woman:
These two are very happily married right now.
Some people argue that love is blind.
This story clearly proves it…
It proves that men are capable of real love;
Truly seeing a person’s inner beauty, and
Not basing their decisions solely on looks.
Oh, and by the way…
The new girl is Athina Onassis.
She’s worth 12 billion dollars.
Love stories like this kinda bring a tear to your eye, don’t they?
I Just Realized Something
It just hit me!
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year,if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than heneeds, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like
a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
I was just thinking about all this and suddenly it hit me like a ton ofbricks ~
My dog is a CONGRESSMAN!
NO Speak English
The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
(Please scroll down.)
What were you Thinking?
I worry about you Sometimes!
Do you Know why Nike designed this model?
To avoid this:
Have a great day!!!!!
