Wan's World

Month: April 2013

  • Service

    WAN

    I became confused when I heard the
    word     “Service” used with these agencies:

    Internal Revenue ‘Service’ 
    U.S. Postal ‘Service’ 
    Telephone     ‘Service’ 
    Cable TV ‘Service’ 
    Civil ‘Service’ 
    State, City, County & Public ‘Service’ 
    Customer ‘Service’ 

    This is not what I thought ‘Service’ meant.

    But yesterday, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to‘Service’ a few cows. BAM ! It all came into focus. 
    Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. 

  • Senior Driver….

    Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. “
    20130424_Senior Driver_001SENIOR DRIVER
    My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
    He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
    He said with excitement, “you appear quite elderly to be driving.”
    “Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly. “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore. 
    “The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying,

    ‘You won’t need this anymore,’ so I thanked him and left!”

    20130424_Senior Driver_002
    LORDY!! LORDY!!! LORD SAVE US!!!

  • PEOPLE WHO CAN’T DROWN

    PEOPLE WHO CAN’T DROWN

    20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_011 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_010 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_009 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_008 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_007 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_006 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_005 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_004 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_003 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_002 20130423_PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DROWN_001

  • Brilliant !!

    20130423_Brilliant

  • Mother and Daughter

    WAN

    Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her
    family when her youngest daughter walks in.

    Daughter:
    “Mother, where do babies come from?”

    Mom:
    “Well dear…a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married.
    One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and
    have ‘grown up cuddles’.”

    (The daughter looks puzzled.)
    “That means the daddy puts his bits in the mommy’s bits.
    That’s how you get a baby, honey.”

    Daughter:
    “Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and
    daddy’s room you had daddy’s bits in your mouth.
    What do you get when you do that?”

    Mom:
    “More Expensive Jewelry, dear!”

  • Biker story

    20130423_Biker story

    A young woman goes to her doctor’s office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs… A green spot on the inside of each. “They won’t wash off, they won’t scrape off and they seem to be getting worse.”

    The doctor assures her he’ll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back. A few days later, the woman’s phone rings. Much to her relief, it’s the doctor. She immediately begs to know what’s causing the spots.

    The doctor says, “You’re perfectly healthy – – there’s no problem. But I’m wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?”

    The woman stammers, “Why, yes, but how did you know?”

    “Tell him his earrings aren’t real gold.”

     

    HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!

  • Young Kids

    WAN

    Two brothers, aged six and eight, decide it’s time
    to learn how to swear.
    So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old,

    “Okay, you say “ass” and I’ll say “hell.”

    All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs,
    where their mother asks them what they’d like for
    breakfast.

    “Aw, hell,”
    says the eight-year-old, “gimme some Cheerios.”

    His mother beats the crap out of him, sending him
    bawling out of the room, and then turns to the
    younger brother.

    “What’ll you have?”

    “I dunno,” quivers the six-year-old,

    “but you can bet your ass it ain’t gonna be Cheerios!”

  • A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert

    WAN

    A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

    After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. ‘Well,Sister, this looks pretty grim.’

    ‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..’

    ‘I agree,’ says the Father. ‘Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?’

    ‘Anything, Father.’

    ‘I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.’

    ‘Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.’

    The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

    ‘Sister, would you mind if I touched them?’…

    She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

    ‘Father, could I ask something of you?’

    ‘Yes, Sister?’

    ‘I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?’

    ‘I suppose that would be OK,’ the Priest replied lifting his robe.

    ‘Oh Father, may I touch it?’

    The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

    ‘Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can Give Life.’

    ‘Is that true Father?’

    ‘Yes, it is, Sister.’

    ‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful … Stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!’

  • The Ring

    20130422_The Ring

     An older, white  haired man walked into a jewelry store this past  Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal  at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking  for a special ring for his girlfriend.     The jeweler looked through his stock and  brought out a $5,000 ring.

    The old man  said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more  special.’

    At that statement,  the jeweler went to his special stock and  brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning  ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said.  The  lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled  with excitement.      The old man  seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’

    The  jeweler asked how payment would be made and the  old man stated, ‘by check. I know you need to  make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now  and you can call the bank Monday to verify the  funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday  afternoon.’

    On Monday morning, the  jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said  ‘There’s no money in that account.’

    ‘I  know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you  about my GREAT WEEKEND!’

    ……Not  All Seniors Are  Senile

  • The Elevator

    WAN

    A boy and his father visiting the United States
    from a third world country were at a mall.

    They were amazed by almost everything they saw,
    but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could
    move apart and back together again,
    (i.e. elevator doors).

    The boy asked his father,
    “What is this, Father?”

    The father responded,
    “Son I have never seen anything like this in my life,
    I don’t know what it is!”

    While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed,
    an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving
    walls and pressed a button.

    The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into
    a small room.
    The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small
    circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.

    They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse
    direction.
    The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24-year old
    woman stepped out.

    The father said to his son,

    “Go get your mother, NOW!!”