Wan's World

Day: June 12, 2013

  • CONFUCIUS

    CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY…
          20130613_CONFUCIUS
    Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
     
    Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
     
    Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
     
    Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.
     
    Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
     
    Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
     
    Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
     
    War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
     
    Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
     
    It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
     
    Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
     
    Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
     
    Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
     
    Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
     
    Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . …
     
    “A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!”

  • Dorothy and Edna

    It’s all  in your perspective..

    Dorothy  and Edna, two “senior” widows, are  talking.

    Dorothy:  “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a  date. I know you went out with him last week,  and I wanted to talk with you about him before I  give him my answer.”

    Edna:  “Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my  apartment punctually at 7 pm,  dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit,  and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he  takes me downstairs. And what’s there; a  limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he  takes me out for dinner; a marvelous dinner,  lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner  drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you  Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just  died from pleasure! So then we are coming back  to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.  Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new  dress and has his way with me three  times!” 

    Dorothy: “Goodness gracious!… so  you are telling me I shouldn’t go?” 
    Edna:  “No, no, no… I’m just saying, wear an old  dress.”

    WAN

  • It’s Finally Here

    IT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED !
    A Keyboard for
    Men
    20130613_Its Finally Here

  • Betty Crocker

    Linda could never get her husband to do anything
    around the house.
    James would come home from work, sit in front of the
    TV, eat dinner, and sit some more…
    He would never do those little household repairs that
    most husbands take care of.

    This frustrated Linda quite a bit.

    One day, the toilet stopped up.
    When James got home, she said sweetly,

    “Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?”

    Her husband snarled,
    “What do I look like? The Tidy-Bowl Man?”
    and sat down on the sofa.

    The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn’t work.
    When James got home, she said, very nicely,

    “Honey, the disposal won’t work. Would you try to fix it for me?”
    Once again, he growled,
    “What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?”

    The next day, the washing machine was on the blink.
    When her husband got home,
    Linda steeled her courage and said,

    “Honey, the washer isn’t running. Would you check it?”
    And again, she was met with a snarl,
    “What do I look like? The Maytag Repairman?”

    Finally, she had had enough.

    The next morning, Lisa called three repairmen to
    fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer.

    When her husband got home, she said,

    “Honey, I had the repairmen out today.”

    He frowned, “Well, how much is that going to cost?”

    “Well honey, they all said I could pay them by baking
    them a cake, or having passionate fun with them.”

    “Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?”
    he asked.

    She smiled, and says:

    “What do I look like? Betty Crocker?”

    🙂

    WAN

  • Truck for Sale

    Truck for Sale …..love it
    20130613_Truck for Sale
    A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, ‘Where did you get that truck???!!!’
    He calmly told them, ‘I bought it today.’

    ‘With what money?’ demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.

    ‘Well,’ said the boy, ‘this one cost me just fifteen dollars.’

    So the parents began to yell even louder. ‘Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?’ they said..

    ‘It was the lady up the street,’ said the boy. I don’t know her name -they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars.’

    ‘Oh my Goodness!,’ moaned the mother, ‘she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.’

    So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!

    He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

    ‘Well,’ she said, ‘this morning I got a phone call from my husband. (I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn’t intend to come back).

    He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money.

    So I did.’

    (Are women good or what?)

    20130613_Truck for Sale