Wan's World

Month: June 2013

  • The Donkey’s Receipt

    When the ark’s door was closed,
    Noah called a meeting with all the animals and
    said in a demanding voice:

    “Listen up kids! There will be NO hankypanky on
    this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your
    parts. All of you males, take off your ‘male parts’
    and hand them to Jim the Monkey.
    He will write you a receipt.
    After we see land, you can get your ‘parts’ back.”

    After about a week, Mr. Rabbit ran over to his wife
    and very excitedly said,

    “Quick! Get on my shoulders and look out the window
    to see if there is any land out there!”

    Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders,
    looked out the window and said,

    “Sorry, no land yet.”

    “Crap!” shouted Mr. Rabbit and out he went.

    This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up
    with him.

    “What is the matter with you? You know it will rain
    for forty days and nights. Only after the water had
    drained will we be able to see land.
    But why are you acting so excited every day?”

    “Look!”

    said Mr. Rabbit with an impatient look on his
    face as he held out a piece of paper.

    “I GOT THE DONKEY’S RECEIPT!”

    WAN

  • Tetanus Shot.

    Your smile for the day….

    Tetanus Shot.

    (This is for you old folks, I.e., anyone over (or close to) 50 is eligible!)

    An old man in his mid-seventies struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

    His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks,”Where are you going?”

    He replies, ‘I’m going to the doctor.’

    She says, ‘Why, are you sick?’

    He says, ‘Nope, I’m going to get me some of that Viagra stuff.’

    Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

    He says, ‘Where the heck are you going?’

    She answers, ‘I’m going to the doctor, too.’

    He says, ‘Why, what do you need?’

    She says, ‘If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing, I’m getting a Tetanus shot.’

    WAN

  • 3 nuns

    Three nuns stand at the Pearly Gates of Heaven , and Saint Peter turns to them and explains that they must answer a single question each to enter the Kingdom of Heaven . Sister Lara steps forward.
    “Who was the first man on God’s Earth ?” asks Saint Peter .
    “Adam ,” the sister replies . And the lights flash , the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open .

    Sister Evelyn steps forward and says she is ready.

    “Who was the first woman on God’s Earth ?” asks Saint Peter .
    “Eve ,” the sister replies . And the lights flash , the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open .
    The Mother Superior steps forward and announces that she is ready .
    “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?” asks the Saint . The Mother Superior is shocked .
    “My goodness ,” she says , “that’s a hard one .” And the lights flash , the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open .

    WAN

  • Helicopters and Software

    A helicopter was flying around above Seattle
    when an electrical malfunction disabled all
    of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and
    communications equipment.

    Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could
    not determine the helicopter’s position.
    The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it,
    circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said

    “WHERE AM I?” in large letters.

    People in the tall building quickly responded to
    the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a
    building window.

    Their sign said
    “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

    The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map,
    determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport,
    and landed safely. After they were on the ground,
    the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

    “I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building,
    because they gave me a technically c

    WAN

    orrect but
    completely useless answer.”

  • You have a license

    20130603_You have a license_001

    Blonde orders a beer.

    The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman’s boobs and splashes all over them…

    The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

    Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens. So after the third beer, a guy decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts To lick her breasts and she decks him!

    20130603_You have a license_002
    He is lying on the floor moaning, ‘Jeez lady… Why do you let the bartender do it?’
    20130603_You have a license_003
    “Helloooo!”, says the blonde, ‘He has a licker license!’

  • Signs: Enjoy!

    20130603_Signs Enjoy_013 20130603_Signs Enjoy_012 20130603_Signs Enjoy_011 20130603_Signs Enjoy_010 20130603_Signs Enjoy_009 20130603_Signs Enjoy_008 20130603_Signs Enjoy_007 20130603_Signs Enjoy_006 20130603_Signs Enjoy_005 20130603_Signs Enjoy_004 20130603_Signs Enjoy_003 20130603_Signs Enjoy_002 20130603_Signs Enjoy_001

  • Beware of the ” Older Woman ”


    20130603_ATT0002511
    THE OLDER WOMAN

    JIMBO ended up with an older woman at a Flora-dah beachclub dance  last night.
    She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
    In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and found himself thinking that she Probably had a really hot daughter.

    We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked  jimmmieee kins.. ever Had a Florida Sportsman’s Double.


    ‘What’s that?’      he asked.
    ‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said.

    I said, ‘No,‘ – excitedly.

    We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was ‘my lucky night’.

    I went back to her place.

    She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: ‘Mom, you still awake?’