Day: September 13, 2013

  • Seniors always have solutions…..

    An old  farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.

    They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk  home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

    He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

    However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases
    home.

    While  he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was  lost.

    She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 106 Rose Cottage Lane ?’

    The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact,my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’

    The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket.  Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’

    ‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded  to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no  time.’

    The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me..How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

    The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

    The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.

    WAN 

  • Emailing: Ambiguity to Ponder

    THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY…


    1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

    2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR…..

    3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

    4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

    5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

    6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS ?

    7. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

    8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

    9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

    10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”

    11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

    12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

    13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

    14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

    15. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

    16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

    17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

    18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

    19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

    20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

    21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

    22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

    23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

    24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

    25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

    26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

    27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

    28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD “LISP” TO HAVE “S” IN IT?

    29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?

    30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?

    31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

    32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

    33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

    WAN