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50 Shades of Grey
Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Ron’s mates are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire, sitting having a cold beer.
“Geez Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?” “Well, I’ve been here since last night.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me
and put her hands over my eyes and asked, ‘Guess who?”
I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
Well she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey……On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, “Do whatever you want.” So, Here I am! |
Day: September 22, 2013
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50 Shades
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9 Months later
9 Months Later…
Keith decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Keith’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.‘I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,’ she explained. ‘I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.’‘Don’t worry,’ Keith said, ‘We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.’
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.But about nine months later, Keith got an unexpected letter from an attorney.It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, ‘Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?’‘Yes, I do.’ said Bob‘Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?’‘Well, um, yes!,’ Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, ‘I have to admit that I did.’‘And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?’Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, ‘Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy, I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?’
‘She just died and left me everything.’________________________
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And you thought the ending would be little bit different, didn’t you?…You know you smiled… now keep that smile for the rest of the day!
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BLOND & IRISH
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were
listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We
are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on
the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through.”So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they were eating breakfast again, when the radio announcer
said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your
car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get
through.”The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer
said, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park….”Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a
worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do.
which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get
through?”Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave
the car in the garage this time.”I didn’t see it coming either! -
oh.. the south
Florida
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”
The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.GeorgiaThe owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”LouisianaA senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ’cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”MississippiThe young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”North CarolinaA man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”TennesseeA Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”TexasThe Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ’cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.
