Wan's World

Day: October 31, 2013

  • Paddy

    The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

    “What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.

    “What happened!! I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip.

    I get home… and guess what I found ?

    Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!

    This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!”
    “Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!” says his mother-in-law. “There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.”

    Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
    “Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation …..she never got your E-mail!”

    WAN

  • Too funny !

    The Importance of walking

    Walking can add minutes to your life.
    This enables you at 85 years old
    To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
    Home at $4,000 per month.

    My grandpa started walking
    Five miles a day when he was 60.
    Now he’s 97 years old
    And we have no idea where the hell he is. 
    *********************************** 

    I like long walks,
    Especially when they are taken
    By people who annoy me. 

    The only reason I would take up walking
    Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 
    ***************************************************

    I have to walk early in the morning,
    Before my brain figures out what I’m doing… 

    Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
    I wash my mouth out with chocolate. 

    I do have flabby thighs,
    But fortunately my stomach covers them. 
    ******************************************** 

    The advantage of exercising every day
    Is so when you die, they’ll say,
    ‘Well, he looks good doesn’t he.’

    If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
    Start with a small country. 
    **************************************
    Every time I start thinking too much
    About how I look,
    I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
    And by the time I leave,
    I look just fine.


    You could run this over to your friends
    But just e-mail it to them!
    It will save you the walk!

    WAN

  • good ones

    BOOM! BOOM!
    A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me
    and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
    A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
    The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”
    He replied, “They had avocados.”
    If you’re a woman, I’m sure you’re going back to read it again!
    Men will get it the first time.
    ——————————————————
    Water in the carburettor
    WIFE: “There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor”
    HUSBAND: “Water in the carburettor?  That’s ridiculous “
    WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburettor”
    HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburettor is.
       I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?
    WIFE: “In the pool”
    ===========================================
    THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC
    PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRY SOME IN RECENT YEARS.
    25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
    That’s scary.
    It means 75% are running around untreated.
    —————————————————————————–
    –

    HE MUST PAY

    Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said,
    “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you.”
    Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming
    to live with you.”
    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


    Today’s Short Reading from the Bible

    From Genesis: “And God promised men that good and obedient
    wives would be found in all corners of the earth.”
    Then He made the earth round…and He laughed and laughed
    and laughed!….

    WAN