Wan's World

Month: October 2013

  • “Long Night, Tonight”

    Two women were sitting next to each other in a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland’

    The other woman responds proudly, ‘Yes, I sure am!’

    The first one says, ‘So am I! And whereabouts in Ireland are ya from?’…

    The other woman answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’

    The first one responds, ‘So, am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?’

    The other woman says, ‘A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.’

    The first one says, ‘Faith, and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?’

    The other woman answers, ‘Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.’

    The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I!
    Tell me, what year did you graduate?

    ‘The other woman answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’

    The first woman exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling
    down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!’

    About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

    Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’

    Michael asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’

    Brian answers, ‘The Murphy twins are drunk again’.

    WAN

     

  • Confucius said……..

    Confucius said all that?  He was a very wise man!
    Confucius Say.
    It’s ok to let a fool kiss you,
    But don’t let a kiss fool you.
    Confucius Say.
    A kiss is just shopping upstairs
    For downstairs merchandise.
    Confucius Say.
    It is better to lose a lover
    Than love a loser.
    Confucius Say.
    Man with a broken condom
    Is called a Daddy
    Confucius Say.
    Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax,
    doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.
    Confucius Say.
    A drunken man’s words
    Are a sober man’s thoughts.
    Confucius Say.
    Marriage is like a bank account.
    You put it in, you take it out,
    And you lose interest.
    Confucius Say.
    Viagra is like Disneyland …
    A one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
    Confucius Say.
    It is much better to want the mate you do not have
    Than to have the mate you do not want.
    Confucius Say. 
    A joke is like sex.
    Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
    WAN

  • The Irish Daughter

    An Irish daughter had not been home for 
    over three years. Upon her return, her 
    father yelled at her, 

    “Where have ye been all this time? 
    Why did ye not write to us? Not even a line. 
    Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what 
    ye put yer old Mother thru?”

    The girl, crying, replied, Sniff, sniff….
    “Dad…..I was too embarrassed, 
    I became a prostitute.”

    “Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless hussy! 
    Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family, 
    so ye are.”

    “OK Daddy…as ye wish…I just came back to give 
    Mammy this luxurious fur coat, title deed to an 
    eight bedroom mansion plus a $5 million cheque. 
    For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex. 
    And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited 
    edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a 
    membership to the Limerick Country Club.” 

    She takes a breath and continues, 
    “…and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years 
    Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean.”

    “Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad.

    Girl, crying again, Sniff, sniff….
    “A prostitute Daddy!” Sniff, sniff.

    “Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death girl! 
    I thought ye said a PROTESTANT. 
    Come here and give yer old Daddy a big hug.”

    WAN

  • :EYS(;-))

    Here’s  another trick of Doctor Dementia to test your  skills….


     I’ve   seen this with the letters out of order, but this  is the  first time I’ve seen it with numbers. Good  example of a  Brain Study: If you can read this  OUT LOUD,   you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a  long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near  you.

    7H15       M3554G3

    53RV35       7O PR0V3

    H0W       0UR M1ND5 C4N

    D0       4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

    1MPR3551V3       7H1NG5!

    1N       7H3 B3G1NN1NG

    17       WA5 H4RD BU7

    N0W,       0N 7H15 LIN3

    Y0UR       M1ND 1S

    R34D1NG       17

    4U70M471C4LLY

    W17H       0U7 3V3N

    7H1NK1NG       4B0U7 17,

    B3       PROUD! 0NLY

    C3R741N       P30PL3 C4N

    R3AD       7H15.

    PL3453       F0RW4RD 1F

    U       C4N R34D 7H15.

             To  my ‘selected’ strange-minded friends: If you can read the  following paragraph, forward it on to  your friends with  ‘yes’ in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is  weird, but  interesting!

             If  you can read this, you have a strange mind, too. Can you read  this? Only 55 people out of 100   can.

             I  cdnuolt  blveiee  that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what  I  was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of   the  hmuan  mnid,  aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it   dseno’t  mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the  olny iproamtnt  tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in  the rghit pclae. The rset  can  be a taotl mses and you  can still raed it  whotuit a pboerlm. This is  bcuseae  the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey  lteter by istlef, but the  word as  a wlohe.  Azanmig  huh?  Yaeh and I  awlyas tghuhot slpeling was  ipmorantt!

             If   you can raed,  this frowrad  it.

    WAN

  • The Blonde

    A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck 
    after buying air at a real bargain, needed money 
    desperately. 
    To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and 
    hold him for ransom. 

    She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid 
    randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, 

    “I’ve kidnapped you.” 
    She then wrote a big note saying, 
    “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put 
    $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the 
    apple tree next to the slides, on the south side 
    of the playground. Signed, A blonde.” 

    The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s 
    shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. 

    The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, 
    a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. 

    The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 
    with a note that said, 

    “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?” 

    WAN

  • AUNTY ACID

    20131003_AUNTY ACID_001 20131003_AUNTY ACID_002 20131003_AUNTY ACID_003

    20131003_AUNTY ACID_004

    20131003_AUNTY ACID_005

    20131003_AUNTY ACID_006

    20131003_AUNTY ACID_007 20131003_AUNTY ACID_008 20131003_AUNTY ACID_009 20131003_AUNTY ACID_010 20131003_AUNTY ACID_011 20131003_AUNTY ACID_012

  • Colorful Durian in Malaysia

    I believe many of you have never heard about the red durian.
    I haven’t heard or tasted it. Have you?
    Wonder whether you have come across the “red flesh durian.”
    Looks like durian
    Smells like durian
    Tastes like durian
    It’s durian….
    What makes Sabah people so happy in year end? Xmas? New Year? Oh ya, a King was born on Christmas. Guess what. The “King of Fruits”
    is born too, as it’s fruiting season now in Sabah, and durian is everywhere! Besides the ordinary durians, someone is more interested in two special breeds of Sabah durians, the Durian Sukang (Red Durian) and Durian Dalit (Orange Durian) of Borneo.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_001
    Durio graveolens is a typical size for durian trees, about 50 meters tall.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_002
    Durian Sukang (Red-flesh Durian), Species: Durio graveolens
    When ripe, the husk of Durian Sukang turns yellow, with short and sharp spines.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_003
    Durian Dalit (Orange-flesh Durian), Species: Durio oxleyanus
    The husk of Durian Dalit is green color, with long and thick thorns outside.
    Durio graveolens is the poster child of the jungle durians.  That ravishingly red interior is so shockingly bright many people question the useof food coloring. It’s also one of the most popular durian species, sold widely in markets throughout Borneo. Many people actually prefer it to regular durian, and with good reason.
    Despite it’s notoriety (or maybe because of it), Durio graveolens is the most confusing of all the durian species we’ve found.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_004
    A local daily reported that the small durians, about the size of a sepak takraw ball, are sold for RM2 to RM3 when they are in season.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_005
    That lipstick red durian flesh is the image that most people associate with Durio graveolens. It’s small and the exterior is a bright yellow sometimes tinged brown. It has a mild odor, and a thick cheesy flesh with barely any flavor. Many people compare it to eating avocado.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_006
    But there’s another side to Durio graveolens. An addicting smooth, nutty, cheesy side that’s so thick it’s hard to swallow.  So savory,sweet and fatty that it led to Rob and me to argue over whether it could fairly be compared to pimento cheese (vegans and our memories!). This version of Durio graveolens is neon orange or bright yellow packaged in a spiky green or yellow exterior. It can be as large as a small Durio zibethinus.
    So what’s the deal?
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_007
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_008
    Red and orange durian fruits are very small and can be held by one palm. Both are considered as Wild Durians.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_009
    Red-fleshed durian opening on the tree
    It’s possible that Durio graveolens is actually two species lumped under one name.  It seems even more probable given the difference in the way the two fruits mature. Like most durians, the orange-fleshed durian falls to the forest floor when ripe. The red-fleshed one doesn’t. The durian remains attached to the tree as the fruit opens and drops the flesh and seeds onto the ground. Botanist Anthony Lamb has suggested that the orange-fleshed one, known locally as Dalit, is a different species.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_010
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_011
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_012
    When compared to a common durian seed, the seeds of both wild durians look so small.
    The commercially-planted durian fruit has thick layer of yellow flesh. In contrast, though creamy as well, the flesh of red and orange durians is thin, and the taste is slightly bland. However, their scent is strong and distinctive, like fermented wine. The taste and flavor of red durian is twice as strong as orange durian. That’s why red durian is sold more (and fast) than the cheaper orange durian. Some says you would get a bit “drunken” if you eat too many red durian.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_013
    Orange flesh durian for sale in market in Kuala Penyu town. A bundle of 6 or 7 was sold for RM17.
    Red and Orange flesh durians are not being cultivated on a large scale, so you won’t see them often in city market. You have to look for them in local market of rural or suburban areas of Sabah.
    20131002_Colorful Durian in Malaysia_014
    Even Orangutan Love Durian & enjoys as a delicacy.

  • The Perils of a Catholic Upbringing

    As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

    Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

    Recalling my old pastor, Father Paulson, who always admonished me to”care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

    Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags; my heart was touched by this person’s condition.

    Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

    A small voice inside my head called out, “Reach out, reach out and touch this person!”

    20131002_The Perils of a Catholic Upbringing_001

    So I did.

    20131002_The Perils of a Catholic Upbringing_002

    I won’t be at Mass this week.