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The Ventriloquist
The Ventriloquist:
An English ventriloquist visiting Scotland walks
into a small village and sees a local sitting on his
veranda patting his dog.
He figures he’ll have a little fun, so he says to the Scot
‘Gooday, mind if I talk to your dog?’
Scot: ‘The dog doesn’t talk, you stupid English bastard.’
Ventriloquist: ‘Hello dog, how’s it going mate?’
Dog: ‘Yeah, doin’ all right.’
Scot: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: ‘Is this villager your owner?’ (pointing at the Scot)
Dog: ‘Yep’
Ventriloquist: ‘How does he treat you?’
Dog: ‘Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food
And takes me to the lake once a week to play.’
Scot: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: ‘Mind if I talk to your horse?’
Scot: ‘Uh, the horse doesn’t talk either…I think.’
Ventriloquist: ‘Hey horse, how’s it going?’
Horse: ‘Cool’
Scot: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: ‘Is this your owner?’ (Pointing at the Scot)
Horse: ‘Yep’
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: ‘Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly,
Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me
from the Elements.’
Scot: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: ‘Mind if I talk to your sheep?’
Scot: (in a panic) The sheep’s a Flipping liar !!!
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