Category: Wan’s Humour

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.”

The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points

Toward employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost

Both my testicles.”

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got

Enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00

Am to 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am , and plan on starting at

10:00 am every day.”

The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from

8:00 am to 4:00 PM , why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am ?”

“This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the

First two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.

No point in you coming in for that.”

Car keys

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered; I always call him “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”

Yep, it’s the golden years.

Life at the Beach and retired …

Retirees on vacation …
The holidays may be completed for some but not for retirees …

Yeah … >>>>> what?
What is it that you had imagined yet?
Retirees who can not swim!

Legal jokes for free

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof?”, asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man.
“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you,” said the lawyer.
“But it’s only $500!” replied the man.
“Precisely, that’s what he will reply and we will have the proof we need,” said the lawyer.
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The professor of a Contract Law class asked one of his better students, “If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”
The student replied, “Here’s an orange.”
The professor was outraged.”No! No! Think like a lawyer!”
The student then replied, “Ok. I will tell him – “I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before and hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.”
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A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.
Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”
The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$7.98.”
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read: ‘Legal Consultation Service: $150.
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The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with Honors, and then went home to join his father’s legal firm.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father’s office, and said, “Father, you know what, in one day I managed to solve the accident case that you’ve been working on for 10 years!”
His father responded: ” You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for 10 years!”
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A man boarded an aircraft at London ‘s Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo – she took the seat right beside him.

“Hello”, he blurted out, “Business trip or vacation?”

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, “Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniac convention in the United States .”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded,” I use my experience to disprove some of the popular myths about sexuality..”

“Really”, he smiled, “what myths are those?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.”

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don’t even know your name!”

“Tonto,” the man said. “Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.”

Have you seen anything like this?