Wan's World

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  • The Dress

    THE LOVE DRESS
      A woman  stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.
    She knocked  on the door then immediately walked in.
    She was shocked  to see her daughter-in-law lying on the  couch, totally naked.
      Soft music  was playing, and the aroma of perfume  filled the room.
    “What are  you doing?!” she asked.
    “I’m waiting for Michael to come home from  work,” the  daughter-in- law answered.
    “But you’re naked!”  the mother-in-law exclaimed.
    “This is my love dress,” the  daughter-in-law explained.
    “Love dress? But you’re  naked!”
    “Mike loves me and likes me to wear this dress,”  she  explained.” It excites him to no end.
      Every time he  sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for  hours on end.
      He can’t get  enough of me”
    The mother-in-law left.
    When she got home,  she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights,
      put on a  romantic  CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to  arrive.
      Finally, he  walked in and saw her lying there so  provocatively.
    “What are  you doing?” he asked.
    “This is my love dress,” she whispered  sensually.
    “Needs ironing,” he said. “What’s for  dinner?
    He never heard the gunshot.

    WAN

  • Bits of wisdom for 2014

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  • 3 D Drawings On Vending Machines…

    There  is an employment agency in Germany.  One of their advertising  gimmicks is putting these 3D posters on various machines  throughout  Germany.

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  • Elderly couple texting – Funny

    Elderly  couple texting
    An    elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on    their
    cell  phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was    more of a
    no-nonsense  guy.
    One    afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided
    to    send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
    “If you    are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me
    your     smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me    a
    sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. ”
    The    husband texted back to her:
    “I’m on the toilet.  Please    advise.”

    WAN

  • Flowers

    While attending a marriage seminar dealing 
    with communication, 

    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the 
    instructor,

    “It is essential that husbands and wives 
    know the things that are important to each other.”

    He addressed the men, 

    “Can you describe your wife’s favourite flower?”

    Tom, smiling but looking a little nervous, 
    leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently 
    and whispered, 

    “It’s self-raising, isn’t it?”

    WAN

  • Birth Control

    An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s 
    office and asked to speak with her doctor. 

    When the Doctor asked why she was there, 
    she replied, 
    “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” 

    Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute 
    and then said, 

    “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. 
    What would you possibly need birth control pills for?” 

    The woman replied, 
    “They help me sleep better.” 

    The doctor considered this for a second, and 
    continued, 
    “How in the world do birth control pills help 
    you sleep?” 

    The woman said, 
    “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, 
    and I sleep better at night.” 

    WAN

  • Bike

    A Priest was about to    finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission the jungle where he has    spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never    taught them was how to speak English.
      
    So he takes the chief    for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, ‘This is    a tree.’
    The chief looks at the    tree and grunts, ‘Tree.’
    The Priest is pleased    with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and    says, ‘This is a rock.’
    Hearing this, the    chief looks and grunts, ‘Rock.’
    The Priest was really    getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.    As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy    sexual activity.
    The Priest is really    flustered and quickly responds, ‘Man riding a bike.’
    The chief looks at the    couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
    The Priest goes    ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe    how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these    people in cold blood that way?
    The chief replied, ‘My    bike.’
    Enjoy your day and    remember to keep off the roads when riding someone else’s    bicycle

    WAN

  • Sometimes

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    S O M E T I M E S

    Sometimes….when you cry….
    no one sees your tears.

    Sometimes….when you are in pain….
    no one sees your hurt.

    Sometimes….when you are worried….
    no one sees your stress.

    Sometimes….when you are happy….
    no one sees your smile.

    –

    –

    –

    But FART !! just ONE friggin’ time…..
    And everybody notices!!

    And You thought this was going to be one of those
    heart-touching stories!

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    Send this on to your friends if they

    need a Laugh

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  • God said to Adam

    God  said,
    “Adam, I want you to do something for Me.”
    Adam  said,
    “Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?”

    God  said,
    “Go down into that valley.”
    Adam  said,
    “What’s a valley?”
    God  explained it to him.  
    Then  God said,
    “Cross the river.”
    Adam  said,
    “What’s a river?”  
    God  explained that
    to him, and then said,
    “Go over to the  hill….”  
    Adam  said,
    “What is a hill?”
    So,  God explained to Adam what a hill was.
    He told Adam,
    “On the other side  of the hill you will find a cave.”
    Adam  said,
    “What’s a cave?”
    After  God explained,
    He said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”
    Adam  said,
    “What’s a woman?”  
    So  God explained
    that to him, too.
    Then, God said,
    “I want you to
    reproduce.”
    Adam  said,
    “How do I do that?”
    God  first said (under his breath), “Geez…..”  
    And  then,
    just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as  well.  
    So,  Adam goes down into the valley,
    across the river, and
    over the hill,  into the cave, and finds the woman.
    Then, in
    about five minutes, he  was back.
    God,  his patience
    wearing thin,
    said angrily,
    “What is it  now?”  
    And  Adam said….  
    *  
    *  

    (YOU’RE  GOING TO
    LOVE THIS !!!!!!)
    *
    *
    *
    “What’s a migrane?”
    WAN

  • No sex since 1955

    A crusty old Chief Bosun’s Mate found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
    There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Chief for conversation. “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”

    “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”

    The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

    “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

    The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

    The Chief just stared at her in his serious manner.

    Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

    “1955, ma’am.”

    “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him.

    Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”
    The Chief said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”

    (Gotta love military time)

    WAN