Blog

Dogs attacks Croc!

Dog Pack attacks Crocodile in Darwin
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.

The crocodile, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the “apex predator”, can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and “survival of the pack mentality” bred into the canines.

See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine.

Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the croc preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly.

Not for the squeamish

December 23, 2013

Guys at the Barber Shop

This pretty well sums it all up!

The guys at the barber shop asked me what actress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told them the one who knows how to fix elevators.

I’m old, tired and pee a lot

December 23, 2013
Scotch with 2 Drops of Water?

TO SHARE WITH OLD FOLKS YOU MAY KNOW …..

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship

And orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says

‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate

My 80th birthday and it’s today.’

The bartender says

‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink.

In fact, this one is on me.’

As the woman finishes her drink

The woman to her right says

‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’

The old woman says

‘Thank you.

Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming up’ says the bartender

As she finishes that drink,

The man to her left says

‘I would like to buy you one, too.’

The old woman says

‘Thank you.

Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming right up’ the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink,he says

‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity.

Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’

The old woman replies

‘Sonny, when you’re my age,

You’ve learned how to hold your liquor…

Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….

Your sweetie says

‘Let’s go upstairs and make love’

And you answer:

‘Pick one, I can’t do both!’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

Your friends compliment you

On your new alligator shoes

And you’re barefoot!

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy …

And your pacemaker opens the garage door!

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….

You don’t care where your spouse goes

… Just as long as you don’t have to go along.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

You are cautioned to slow down

By the doctor instead of by the police

‘OLD’ IS WHEN..

‘Getting a little action’

Means you don’t need to take any fibre today

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car

… In the parking lot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up

To use the bathroom.

AND

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…..

You are not sure these are jokes!

Have a good day!

“Young at heart”

(slightly older in other places!)

December 23, 2013
Xmas Shopping

A couple were Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last minute shoppers.

Walking through the shopping centre the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset.

She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phoned then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was.

The husband in a calm voice replied: “Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get it for you…?”

His wife’s eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly and stifling a sob she whispered:”Yes, I remember that jewellery shop…”

“Well,” he said, “I’m in the bar next to it!”

December 21, 2013
Defective Parrot–you will enjoy this!

A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, ‘Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?’

The parrot says, ‘I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.’

‘Holy crap,’ the guy replies. ‘You actually understood and answered me!’

‘I got every word,’ says the parrot. ‘I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird.’

‘Oh yeah?’ the guy asks. ‘Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet?’

‘Well,’ the parrot says, ‘this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can’t see it, because of my feathers.’

‘Wow,’ says the guy. ‘You really can understand, and can speak English, can’t you?’

‘Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I’m especially good at ornithology.You really ought to buy me, I’d be a great companion.’

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. ‘Sorry, but I just can’t afford that.’

‘Pssssssst,’ says the parrot, ‘I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!’

The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he’s interesting, he’s a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he’s insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, ‘Psssssssssssst,’ and motions him over with one wing. ‘I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife, and the UPS man.’

‘What are you talking about?’ asks the guy.

‘When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.’

‘WHAT???’ the guy asks incredulously. ‘THEN what happened?’

‘Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,’ reported the parrot.

‘NO!’ he exclaims, ‘and she let him?’

‘Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.’

Then the frantic guy demands, ‘THEN WHAT HAPPENED?’

DUNNO! I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch!’

December 21, 2013
How To Stop Church Gossip !

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals,kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing..

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house, walked home …. and left it there all night.

(You gotta love Frank!)

December 21, 2013
Financial Planning

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his ill father died.

He decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.

“I may look like just an ordinary guy”. he said to her,”But in just a few months my father will die and I will inherit $200 million”.

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men !!!!

December 21, 2013

1st grade Proverbs

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

2.	Strike while the	bug is close.
3.	It’s always darkest before	Daylight Saving Time..
4.	Never underestimate the power of	termites.
5.	You can lead a horse to water but	how?
6.	Don’t bite the hand that	looks dirty.
7.	No news is	impossible.
8.	A miss is as good as a	Mr.
9.	You can’t teach an old dog new	math.
10.	If you lie down with dogs, you’ll	stink in the morning.
11.	Love all, trust	me.
12.	The pen is mightier than the	pigs.
13.	An idle mind is	the best way to relax.
14.	Where there’s smoke there’s	pollution.
15.	Happy the bride who	gets all the presents.
16.	A penny saved is	not much.
17.	Two’s company, three’s	the Musketeers.
18.	Don’t put off till tomorrow what	you put on to go to bed.
19.	Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and	you have to blow your nose.
20.	There are none so blind as	Stevie Wonder.
21.	Children should be seen and not	spanked or grounded.
22.	If at first you don’t succeed	get new batteries.
23.	You get out of something only what you	see in the picture on the box.
24.	When the blind lead the blind	get out of the way.
25.	A bird in the hand	is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26.	Better late than	pregnant.

December 19, 2013

Bonding

WALKING ON THE GRASS

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

“Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments, a man at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” said the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

This kind of sensitivity just can’t be taught…

December 19, 2013
Christmas funnies

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends. Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine.

Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before – I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police roadblock but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise, as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Happy Christmas!

December 19, 2013