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Every day you need a laugh…

- 3 March 2013, 08:03

WAN

The Jewish E L B O W 
 A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am inapartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’mon the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ………
“What . . . .. .. You’re coming empty handed?”

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family..
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will alwaysremember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna dabusiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. ”
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
“Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ “?

Irish blonde…

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogueyelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The otheranswered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
…… but all men…are men!

Global Facts About Sex

At any given moment:

FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex – right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.

You hang in there, sunshine!


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