Wan's World

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors:  Eat out.
Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller

Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
Phyllis Diller

I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
Phyllis Diller

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally put gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller

I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller