Author: csiadmin

We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately. It was raining– I couldn’t play golf or go hunting or fishing so I talked to my wife for a few hours.

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was 
astonished to see the bed was nicely made 
and everything was picked up. 

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently 
on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad’. 

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope 
and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. 
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing 
you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because 
I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy. 
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of 
her because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, her 
tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so 
much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. 
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of 
firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of 
having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana 
doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for 
ourselves and trading it with the other people in 
the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find 
a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. 
She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care 
of myself. 
Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can 
get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. 
I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you 
that there are worse things in life than the school 
report that’s on the kitchen table. 

Call when it is safe for me to come home!

🙂

Beer Monster 


This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two slabs of “VIC BITTER” cheap at the local “Bottle-o”. 

I placed the cartons on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two cartons of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, “I’m a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?” …

I thought for a few seconds and asked,   “What kind o’ beer ‘ya got?” 


(Spoken like a true Aussie) ………………….

This is a true story of a poor dizzy blond 
flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. 
She, frantic,calls out a May Day.

“May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! 
My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and 
I don’t know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!”

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

“This is Air Traffic Control and I have you 
loud and clear. I will talk you through this 
and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot 
of experience with this kind of problem. 
Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will 
be fine! 
Now give me your height and position!”

She says, 
“I’m 5’4 and i’m in the front seat.”

(pause)

“O.K.” says the voice in the radio…….
“Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven……..”

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he 
decided he wanted to marry her right away. 
She said, 
“But we don’t know anything about each other.”

He said, 
“That’s all right, we’ll learn about each 
other as we go along.”

So she consented, and they were married, 
and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. 

One morning they were lying by the pool, 
when he got up off of his towel, climbed up 
to the 10-Meter board, and did a two and a 
half tuck gainer. 
This was followed by three rotations in jackknife 
position, where he straightened out, and cut the 
water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, 
he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said,
“That was incredible!”

He said, 
“I used to be an Olympic diving champion. 
You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves 
as we went along.”

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started 
doing laps. 

After about thirty laps she climbed back out and 
lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.

He said, 
“That was incredible! Were you an Olympic 
endurance swimmer?”

“No.” she said, 
“I was a hooker in Venice and I worked 
both sides of the canal!”

A Man had been drinking at a pub all night. 
The bartender finally said that the bar is 
closing. 
So the guy stood up to leave fell flat on his 
face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. 

He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh 
air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, 
he stood up and fell on his face again.

So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. 
When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell 
flat on his face. 
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. 
When he reached his bed he tried one more time 
to stand up. 
This time he managed to pull himself upright, 
but he quickly fell right into the bed and is 
sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife 
standing over him, shouting, 

“SO YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!” 

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing 
it out he said, 

“What makes you say that?” 

“The pub just called; you left your 
wheelchair there AGAIN!.”