Author: csiadmin

  • Origins

    Where did “piss poor” come from?

    WAN

    NOW THIS IS A REAL EDUCATION
    Us older people need to learn something new every day…

    Just to keep the grey matter tuned up.  Where did “Piss Poor” come from? Interesting history.

    They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot.  And then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery…if you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”.

    But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot…
    They “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.

    The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature
    Isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

    Here are some facts about the 1500’s

    Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May,

    And they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell,
    brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

    Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

    Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.

    The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,

    Then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children.

    Last of all the babies.

    By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
    Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”

    Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.

    It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals
    (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.

    When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
    Hence the saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”
    There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.

    This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppingcould mess up your nice clean bed.

    Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.

    That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

    The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.

    Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery
    In the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing..

    As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door,
    It would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.
    Hence: a thresh hold.

    (Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

    In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.

    Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables
    And did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers
    In the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.

    Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

    Hence the rhyme:

    Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”
    Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.

    When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.

    It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.”

    They would cut off a little to share with guests

    And would all sit around and chew the fat.

    Those with money had plates made of pewter.

    Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.

    This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

    Bread was divided according to status..

    Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

    Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.  The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days..
    Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
    They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around
    and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.

    Hence the custom; “holding a wake.”

    England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.

    So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.

    When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.  So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

    Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, “saved by the bell” or was “considered a dead ringer.”

    And that’s the truth.

    Now, whoever said history was boring!!!

    So get out there and educate someone!
    Share these facts with a friend.  Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,
    “What the heck happened?”


    We’ll be friends until we are old and senile.  Then we’ll be new friends.
  • Why women can’t fix cars

    It would never have crossed my mind
    Another of life’s mysteries explained.
    It honestly never occurred to me why women can’t fix cars.
    I always thought it had something to do with their fingernails.

  • A great life lesson.

    A great life lesson….
    WANThere was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all. He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life. He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. He asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?” He said, “I’m NOT happy. My balls itch.”Heart-warming stories like this just makes one want to cry.

  • Circomcision disqualifies US politician

    WAN

    A man walks into the Election office, says to the receptionist:
    “I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent candidate. The receptionistreplied “Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.” 
    He was filling the form until he came to the question – ”Are you circumcised?” 
    So he asked the receptionist – “Is that question necessary?”
    She replied… “If you are circumcised you are not eligible” .
    He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?
    She replied….”To become a politician. you have to be a complete prick ”.
  • THE IRISH BLONDE

    WAN

    An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland , arrived at thecasino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.


    She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier whenI’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”


    As the dice came to a  stop, she jumped up and down andsquealed… “Yes! Yes! I won, I  won!” She  hugged each of the dealers,  picked up her winnings and her clothes  and quickly parted.


    The dealers stared at  each other  dumbfounded.


    Finally, one of them  asked, “What did she roll?” The otheranswered, “I don’t know  – I thought you were  watching.”


    MORAL OF THE  STORY


    Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are  dumb…..
    But all men…Are men!
  • Tax return

    WAN

    This example shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return. The UK’s HMRC has returned the Tax Return to a man in Evesham after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.
    In response to the question :

    Do you have anyone dependent on you?

    The man wrote :

    “2.1 million illegal immigrants; 1.1 million crackheads; 4.4 million unemployable scroungers; 900,000 criminals in over 85 prisons; 650 in Parliament plus the whole of the European Commission”.

    The HMRC stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

    The man’s response back to HMRC was “who did I miss out?”.

  • RYE BREAD

    WAN

    Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one
    morning.

    The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of
    breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what
    he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread
    every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina
    with the ladies.”

    So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was
    looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you
    have any rye bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you
    like some?”

    He said, “I want five loaves.” She said, “My goodness, five loaves! By the
    time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”

    He replied, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this shit but me!

  • Yoga vs Liquor

    Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does!!!

    SavasanaPosition of total relaxation.

    Balasana
    Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

    Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
    This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

    Marjayasana Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.

    Halasana Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

    Dolphin Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

    Salambhasana Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

    Ananda Balasana This position is great for massaging the hip area.

    Malasana This position, for ankles and back muscles.

    Pigeon Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of ‘stress’.

    Life really boils down to 2 questions…

    1. Should I get a dog…..?

    OR…

    2. Should I have children?

    Just to let you know
    I’m thinking of you today.

    No matter what situations life throws at you…..

    No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem..

    Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    You’re laughing aren’t you?
    That’s good ’cause my job here is done!

    Have a great day and remember to give thanks…..


    Cats are so dramatic!

    Now that I made you smile,
    Pass it on to someone else
    Who needs a laugh today!

  • Laws

    WAN

    LAWS
    1Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

    2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

    3.Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    4.Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal – and someone always answers.

    6.
    Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    7.Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    8.Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

    9.Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

    10.Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    11..Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

    12.The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    13.Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    14.Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jellysandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

    15.Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

    16.Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

    17.Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!! 

    18.Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    19.Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

    If you don’t forward this to your friends within the next 5 minutes – your belly button will unscrew – and your butt will fall off.

  • Cell Phone Etiquette

    WAN

    After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.

    As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Eric. I’m on the train”.

    “Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting”.

    “No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss”.

    “No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.

    “Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart”

    Fifteen minutes later, and he was still talking loudly.

    When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
    “Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

    Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.