Wan's World

Author: csiadmin

  • Aunty Acid says

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Why Ethel changed Hotels!!!!

    WAN

    Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony – a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places.She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know.I’ll give him a call.”Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you? Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in,”Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night – tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!! Now how does that sound?” He said,”That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.

  • Though you might enjoy this

    WAN
    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
    Men Are Just Happier People —
    What do you expect from such simple creatures?
    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack…
    You can be President.
    You can never be pregnant.
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    The world is your urinal.
    You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
    People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
    New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time.
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you,
    He or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
    You only have to shave your face and neck.
    You can play with toys all your life.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
    On December 24 in 25 minutes.
    ___________________________________
    Men Are Just Happier People
    NICKNAMES
    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
    EATING OUT
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
     MONEY
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
     BATHROOMS
    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
    The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
     FUTURE
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
     MARRIAGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
    DRESSING UP
    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
    NATURAL
    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
     OFFSPRING
    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
     THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
    SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it …. and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

  • Computer Repair

    Caller : Hi, our printer is not working. 
    Customer Service    : What is wrong with it?
    Caller     :     Mouse is jammed. 
    Customer Service    : Mouse? … Printers don’t have a mouse!!! 
    Caller    : Mmmmm??.. Oh really? .. I will send a picture.

    YOU KNOW YOU’RE GONNA PASS THIS ALONG

  • Australian computers

    Computer problem on Bribie Island Queenland

    Technical Support, how can I help you?

    FEMALE CALLER: ‘Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing’.

    TECH SUPPORT: ‘I will have a technician come over first thing this morning.
    Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as he can’.

    When the technician got there, the lady showed him where the computer was,
    said what happened to it, … this is what the technician found wrong.

    Take a look at the pictures…. YOU WON’T BELIEVE YOUR EYES …….
    And you thought YOU had computer problems!!!

  • Costume Party

    Costume Party-

    WAN

    A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the
    wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go
    to the party alone.
      He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she
     was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need
     for his good time being spoiled by not going.
    So he took his costume and away he went.
    The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without
    pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party.
    Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she
    would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when
    she was not with him.
    She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
    on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and
    copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.
       His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe
     herself, he left his   current partner high and dry and devoted his
     time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far
     as he wished… Naturally, (since he was her husband.)
    Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she
    agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
    Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put
    the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of
    explanation he would make for his behavior..
    She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind
    of a time he had.
    He said: “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time
    when you’re not there.”
      – “Did you dance much ?”
    – “You know, I never even danced one dance.”
    When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so
    we went into the den and played poker all evening…But you’re not
    going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to…”

  • Mexican Maid

    The Mexican maid asked for a pay  increase.
    The wife was very upset about this and decided to  talk to her about the raise.
    She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay  increase?”
    Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I  wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better than  you.”
    Wife: “Who said you iron better than  me?”
    Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”
    Wife: “Oh yeah?”
    Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better  cook than you.”
    Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook  than me?”
    Maria: “Jor hozban did”
    Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did  he?”
    Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex  than you in the bed.”
    Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth  asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
    Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”
    Wife: “So how much do you want?”

  • Two and a half good ones for today

    I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79.

    I’m so happy, because I live at number 71.
    So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards.
    And it’s the same side of the street.
    I don’t have to cross the road!

    A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into
    a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.

    The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his
    eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt
    to start the cab.

    The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong
    with you, honey? – Haven’t you ever seen a naked
    woman before?”

    The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you
    sumsing, lady, I vasn’t staring at you like you
    tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.”

    The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if
    you’re not staring at my boobs or ass sweetie, what
    are you doing then?”

    He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’am,
    I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking
    to myself,’Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping
    de money to pay for dis ride?’ ”

    Now, that’s a REAL Businessman!

    Now for the half:

    A man is walking home alone late one foggy night…

    when behind him he hears:
    Bump…

     
    BUMP…

     
    BUMP…
    Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

     

    BUMP…

     

    BUMP…

     

    BUMP…

     

    Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

     

    FASTER…

     

    FASTER…

     
    BUMP…

     

    BUMP…
    BUMP…

     

    He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

     
    However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

     
    clappity-BUMP…

     

    clappity-BUMP…

     
    clappity-BUMP…

     

    on his heels, the terrified man runs.

     
    Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

     

    With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

     

     

     
    Bumping and clapping toward him.

     
    The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

     

     

    Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

     

     

    and,

     

     

     

     
    (hopefully you’re ready for this!!!)

     
    The coffin stops!

     

  • Simple Stress-Handling Capacity Test for Seniors

    Are the patterns moving?
    Or are they perfectly still??

    The patterns are used to test the level of stress a person can handle.

    The slower the pictures move, the better your ability of handling stress.

    Alleged criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly.

    However, senior citizens and kids see them standing still.

    None of these images are animated – they are perfectly still.

    If you did NOT see any movement in the patterns, look closely at the following photo:

    Senior citizens .. If you don’t see movement in this photo, Call an Ambulance

  • Melbourne Cup Quiz

    Perth Radio – Daily Question Competition, to win a CD.



    WANAnnouncer – “What category question would you like”.

    Caller – “Sport please”.

    Announcer – “What’s the name of the race that stops this nation?”

    Caller – “Aboriginal”