Wan's World

Author: csiadmin

  • Blow Dryer Mishap

    Blow Dryer Mishap: A good lesson for all

    Bubba’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing.
    Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer!

  • Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

    Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!

    Shot my first turkey yesterday! Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
    Getting old is so much fun… !!!
    Remember: Don’t make old People mad. Just remember……….
    We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

  • Naag Dev [Snake] Found in Bangalore

    All these years, we thought there were only double headed snakes 

     

  • Funny

     

  • No way!!

    “No way!!”

    Oh, give me a break. There’s no way those nails are real!

  • 5 Rules for Men to Follow for A Happy Life

    CHEEEEERS……..

     

    “Life Has No Short Cuts“

    THIS MAY BE A REPEAT BUT DON’T YOU THINK ITS A TIMELY REMINDER TO YOU ??!!

    Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his
    headstone in Logan, Utah. He died not know    ing that he would win the “Coolest Headstone” contest.

    FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

    1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

    2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

    3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn’t lie to you.

    4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

    5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

     

  • Sheds of Grey

    WAN

    The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women – and baffled blokes.
    Now a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts…

    Fifty Sheds Of Grey

    We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a
    wall…
    but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

    She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
    “I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
    So I took her to McDonalds.

    She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
    harder until finally it came.
    I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

    Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
    She still manages to get into the shed, though.

    “Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
    “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
    “Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”

    “I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be
    punished.”
    So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

    “Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”
    “Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”

    I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
    Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

    “Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
    “I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the
    receipt.

    “Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
    “Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

    “Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.”
    She nodded.
    “Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.

    “Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
    “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

    “Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,” she said, gently
    massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD

  • What Goes Around Comes Around

    A man walked in to a Barber Shop for his regular haircut.  As he snips away, the barber asks “What’s up?”

     

    WANThe man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome.

    “ROME?!” says the barber, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of mafiosos! You’d be crazy to go to Rome!… So how ya getting there?”

     “We’re taking TWA” the man replies.  “TWA?!” yells the barber. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late!…So where you staying in Rome?”  The man says “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriot.”

     

     “That DUMP?!” says the barber. “That’s the worst hotel in the city! The rooms aresmall, the service is surly and slow and they’re overpriced!… So whatcha doing when you get there?”  The man says “We’re going to go see the Vatican and hope to

    see the Pope.”

     

    “HA! That’s rich!” laughs the barber. “You and a million other people

    trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck

    on THIS trip. You’re going to need it!”

     

     A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut. 

     The barber says, “Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Bet TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!”

     “No, quite the opposite” explained the man. “Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendent who waited on me hand and foot!”

     

    “Hmmm,” says the barber , “Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described.”

    “No, quite the opposite! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling. Its the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge!”

     

    “Well,” the barber mumbles, “I KNOW you didn’t get to see the Pope!”

    “Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally

    greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.”

     

    Impressed, the barber pleads, “Tell me, please! What’d he say?”

     

    “He just said:‘Where’d you get that awful haircut?‘”

  • Not politically correct… but some funny ones

    WAN

    I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller. Apparently ” A meal for two with
    a hairy view” is not the way to call No 69

    I’ve just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . It makes the wife look
    like she’s moving during sex.

    Two Thai girls asked me if I’d like to go bed with them, they said it would
    be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped
    off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

    A Muslim has died whilst training to be a Skydiver. The “BNP school of
    diving” said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.

    Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered
    sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $12.50/min (charges
    may vary).

    Just booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife.  Bound to end in
    tears though; she’s crap at snooker.

    Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my
    feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

    If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of
    ham then delete it. It’s Spam.

    They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I’m wrong but
    I don’t think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this
    beer belly.

    I’ve just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in
    Indian sweatshops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers
    the little bastards deserved it!

  • I Never Thought Of That!

    Use a (clean) dustpan to fill a container that doesn’t fit in the sink

     

    Place a rubber band around an open paint can to wipe your brush on, and keep paint off the side of the can 

    Use a staple remover to save your fingernails when trying to add things to your key ring! 

    Put wooden spoon across boiling pot of water to keep from boiling over.

    Use bread clips to save flip-flops with split holes.

    How to put shoes in the dryer

    Use sunglasses or a small convex mirror to avoid people sneaking up on you while wearing headphones at work

    Use a Comb to Keep a Nail Steady for Hammering

    “Educate and inform the whole mass of the people…  They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty.” 
    ~ Thomas Jefferson