Author: csiadmin

  • “guetapens” = Spelling

    1925 gladiolus

    1926 cerise

    1927 luxuriance

    1928 albumen

    1929 asceticism

    1930 fracas

    1931 foulard

    1932 knack

    1933 torsion

    1934 deteriorating

    1935 intelligible

    1936 interning

    1937 promiscuous

    1938 sanitarium

    1939 canonical

    1940 therapy

    1941 initials

    1942 sacrilegious

    1946 semaphore

    1947 chlorophyll

    1948 psychiatry

    1949 dulcimer

    1950 meticulosity

    1951 insouciant

    1952 vignette

    1953 soubrette

    1954 transept

    1955 crustaceology

    1956 condominium

    1957 schappe

    1958 syllepsis

    1959 catamaran

    1960 eudaemonic

    1961 smaragdine

    1962 esquamulose

    1963 equipage

    1964 sycophant

    1965 eczema

    1966 ratoon

    1967 Chihuahua

    1968 abalone

    1969 interlocutory

    1970 croissant

    1971 shalloon

    1972 macerate

    1973 vouchsafe

    1974 hydrophyte

    1975 incisor

    1976 narcolepsy

    1977 cambist

    1978 deification

    1979 maculature

    1980 elucubrate

    1981 sarcophagus

    1982 psoriasis

    1983 Purim

    1984 luge

    1985 milieu

    1986 odontalgia

    1987 staphylococci

    1988 elegiacal

    1989 spoliator

    1990 fibranne

    1991 antipyretic

    1992 lyceum

    1993 kamikaze

    1994 antediluvian

    1995 xanthosis

    1996 vivisepulture

    1997 euonym

    1998 chiaroscurist

    1999 logorrhea

    2000 demarche

    2001 succedaneum

    2002 prospicience

    2003 pococurante

    2004 autochthonous

    2005 appoggiatura

    2006 Ursprache

    2007 serrefine

    2008 guerdon

    2009 Laodicean

    2010 stromuhr

    2011 cymotrichous

    2012 guetapens

     

    And if you got all of those right – Welcome to the Spelling Bee Winners of all time.

  • Did I read that sign correctly?

    TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR  BELOW

    In a Laundromat:

    AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

    In a London department store:

    BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

    In an office:

    WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER  YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

    In an office:

    AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

    Outside a secondhand shop:

    WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

    Notice in health food shop window:

    CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

    Spotted in a safari park (I sure hope so):

    ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

    Seen during a conference:

    FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

    Notice in a farmer’s field:

    THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE  FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

    Message on a leaflet:

    IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL  YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

    On a repair shop door:

    WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

     

    Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?

    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.

    It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!

    They put in a correction the next day. I just couldn’t help but send this along. Too funny.

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

    Really? Ya think?

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

    Now that’s taking things a bit far!

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

    What a guy!

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death

    No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

    See if that works any better than a fair trial!

    War Dims Hope for Peace

    I can see where it might have that effect!

    If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

    Ya think?!

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

    Who would have thought!

    Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

    They may be on to something!

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

    You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

    He probably IS the battery charge!

    New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group

    Weren’t they fat enough?!

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

    That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

    Do they taste like chicken?

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

    Boy, are they tall!

    And finally ….

    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

    Did I read that right?

  • Idiot Sightings

    Idiot sighting

     

    I  handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for  $400.00 

    I said “May I have large bills,  please” 

     

    She  looked at me and said “I’m sorry sir, all the bills are  the same size.”

    When I got up off the floor I  explained it to her….

     

     

    IDIOT   SIGHTING

    When  my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to  pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked  in it. 

    We went to the service department and found  a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side  door. As I  watched from the passenger side, I  instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that  it was unlocked. 

    ‘Hey,’ I announced to the  technician, ‘it’s open!’ 

    His reply: ‘I know. I  already got that  side  .  ‘

    This  was at the Ford dealership in  Canton ,MS

      

    IDIOT  SIGHTING  

    We had to have the garage door repaired. 

    The  Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was  that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the   opener.

    I  thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest  one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.  

    He  shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a  1/4  horsepower.’

    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.  

    He  said, ‘NO, it’s  not..’ Four is larger than  two.’  

     

    We   haven’t used Sears repair  since.

     

     

    IDIOT  SIGHTING

    My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.  

    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a  quarter.

    She  said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill  back.  

    She  sighed and went  to get the manager, who asked me  to repeat my request. 

    I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said  ‘We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.’  

    The  clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in  change.  

    Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

     

     

    IDIOT   SIGHTING 

    I  live in a semi rural area.

    We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

    The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

    I don’t think this is a good place for them to  be crossing anymore.’

     

    From  Kingman , KS   

     

     

     

    IDIOT   SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE 

    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  

    She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal  lettuce.’ 

    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

    From: Kansas City       

     

     

    IDIOT   SIGHTING

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 

    ‘ Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ 

    To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ 

    He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

     

    Happened in  Birmingham , Ala.

     

     

     

    IDIOT  SIGHTING 

    The  stoplite on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. 

    I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. 

    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. 

    Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’ 

     

    She was a probation officer in  Wichita , KS    

       

    IDIOT  SIGHTING

    At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing,’  our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun.. We should  do this more often.’ 

    Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

     

    This was a lunch at  Texas   Instruments. 

     

     

    IDIOT  SIGHTING   

    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself  and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on. 

    A deputy with the  Dallas County  Sheriffs office, no less.

     

    IDIOT SIGHTING

    How would you pronounce this child’s name?

    “Le-a”

    Leah??                 NO

    Lee –  A??            NOPE 

    Lay –  a??              NO  

    Lei??           Guess Again. 

    This child attends a school in  Kansas City , Mo.  

    Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. 

    It’s pronounced “Ledasha”. 

    When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, “the dash don’t be silent.”   

     

    SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.  

    If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don’t be silent.

                   

    STAY  ALERT!  (they vote and breed)

  • Public Cell Phone Solution

    WANAfter a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Detroit for Chicago.

    As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

    “Hi sweetheart it’s Eric, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting – no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life – yes, I’m sure, cross my heart”etc., etc.

    Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:

    “Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!”

     

    My guess would be that Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.

  • Wrong email address

    WANA   Scottish couple decided to go to  Spain to thaw out  during a particularly icy winter. They planned  to stay at the same hotel where they spent their  honeymoon 20 years earlier.

    Because  of hectic schedules, it was difficult to  coordinate their travel schedules. So, the  husband left Glasgow and  flew to  Barcelona on Thursday, with his  wife flying down the following day. The husband  checked into the hotel.. There was a computer in  his room, so he decided to send an email to his  wife. However, he accidentally left out one  letter in her email address, and without  realizing his error, sent the email.

    Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a  widow had just returned home from her husband’s  funeral. He was a minister who died following a  heart attack.

    The widow decided to check  her email expecting messages from relatives and  friends. After reading the first message, she  screamed and fainted.

    The widow’s son  rushed into the room, found his mother on the  floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve  Arrived
    Date: October 16, 2008

    I know  you’re surprised to hear from me. They have  computers here now and you are allowed to send  emails to your loved ones..

    I’ve just  arrived and have been checked in. I see that
    Everything has been prepared for your  arrival tomorrow.

    Looking forward to  seeing you then! Hope your journey is as  uneventful as mine was.

    P.S. Bloody hot  down  here!

  • Redneck

    A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.

    Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says,


    “Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys.”


    The Redneck says, “I’m not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney.”


    The nurse replies,
    “You might want to consider getting it cleaned, they’re all black.”

  • THE HUNTER

    An  86-year-old very wealthy man went to his doctor  for his quarterly
    check-up… 

    The  doctor asked him how he was feeling, and  the
    86-year-old said  ,

    ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt  better.’
    I now have a  20 yr-old bride who is pregnant with my  child.

    ‘So  what do you think  about that Doc ?’

    The  doctor considered his question for a minute  and then began to tell  a story.


    ‘I have an  older friend, much like you, who is an avid  hunter and never  misses a season.’

    One  day he was setting off to go  hunting.

    In  a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his  walking cane instead  of his  gun.’

    ‘As  he neared a lake, he came across a very large  male beaver sitting at  the water’s edge.

    He  realized he’d left his gun at home and so he  couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature. 

      Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the  animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle,

    and went ‘bang,  bang’..’

    ‘Miraculously,  two shots rang out and the beaver fell over  dead..

    Now,  what do you think of that ?’ asked the  doctor.

    The  86-year-old  said,
    ‘Logic would  strongly suggest that somebody  else pumped a couple  of rounds into that beaver.’

    The  doctor replied,  ‘My point  exactly.’

  • Final Will

    BILL SAT IN HIS ARMCHAIR & SHOUTS TO HIS WIFE,

    “WHEN I DIE I’M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU LOVE!”

    SHE SHOUTS BACK “YOU ALREADY DO YOU LAZY BASTARD !! “

  • The English Language

    The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

    We are all familiar with:

    A Herd of Cows

    A Flock of chickens

    A School of Fish

    A Gaggle of Geese

    However, there are some less known collective nouns.

    A Pride of Lions

    A Murder of Crows

    and their cousins, the Rooks and Ravens.

    An Exultation of Doves

    and presumably because they look so wise,

    A Parliament of Owls

    Now consider a group of Baboons.

    They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.  And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

    Believe it or not…..

    A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!

    And all along, I thought this was a Congress.

    How did I get it so wrong?……Or did I?

    That would explain much of what comes out of Washington, Canberra and London…..

    You just can’t make this stuff up.