Category: Wan’s Humour

Little  boy at the nude beach.

A  mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude  beach.

As  the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the  women have boobs bigger than his mother’s, so he goes back  to ask her why.

She  tells her son, ‘The bigger they are, the sillier the lady  is.’

The  boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but  returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger  things than his dad does.

She  replies, ‘The bigger they are, the dumber the man  is’

Again  satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to  play.
Shortly  thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his  mother,

‘Daddy  is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer  he talks, the dumber he gets.’

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
‘Congratulations,’ says the nurse to the new parents.
‘Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
‘Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white,
so I think we will name him…
Are you ready for this? 

Sum Ting Wong 
You know you laughed and you are going to send this on!!

There were three couples,
one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed,
that wanted to join a church.

“We were banned from the supermarket too!”

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.

One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide.

He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along on the sidewalk below, whooping and kicking up his heels.
He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

He asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?”

He said, “I’m NOT happy. My balls itch.”

Heart-warming stories like this just makes one want to cry.

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, ‘Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

She replied, ‘Probably golfing with his mates.’

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower:

We Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.

Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?

So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?

Drool.
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How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That’s a sophomore course.
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How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?

The cow fell on him.
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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.

One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.”

The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”
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A University of Cincinnati football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.

He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.

Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse. ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? ”

“Will the defendant please rise.”
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If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?

The police officer.
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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?

There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?

A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?

They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?

He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.
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What are the longest three years of a University of Kentucky football player’s life?

Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.