Category: Wan’s Adult Humour

  • Smart A*** answers

    WAN

    SMART ARSE ANSWER 5

    It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
    “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
    “What are my choices?” the man asked.
    “Yes or no,” she replied.


    SMART ARSE ANSWER 4

    A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
    She asked a passing assistant, “Do these chickens get any bigger?”
    The assistant replied, “I’m afraid not, they’re dead.”


    SMART ARSE ANSWER 
    3

    The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
    “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
    The kid replied, “Well I got here as fast as I could.”
    When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


    SMART ARSE ANSWER 
    2

    A truck driver was driving along on a country road.  A sign came up that read ” Low Bridge Ahead.”
    Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
    Cars were backed up for miles.  Finally, a police car arrived.

    The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck’s cab and said to the driver, “Got stuck, eh?”
    The truck driver said, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!”

    SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR

    A teacher at a West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final exam.
    “Now listen to me, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.  I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
    A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
    The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

    When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

    “Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”

  • 24 inches

    20130422_24 inches

     

    An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West
    African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.
    When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and
    on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the
    penis to 24 inches.

    Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower,
    his wife looked at him and said, “How about we try the African
    string-and-weight procedure?”
    The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis. 


    A few days later, the wife asked the husband, “How is our little
    tribal experiment coming along?”

    “Well, it looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied.

    “Wow, you mean it’s grown to 12 inches?”

    “No, it’s turned black.”

  • Thumping Noise

    This little boy woke up three nights in a row when
    he heard a thumping sound coming from his parents room.

    Finally one morning, he goes to his Mom and says,

    “Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises
    and when I look in your bedroom you’re bouncing up
    and down on him.”

    His mom was taken by surprise and said,

    “Oh… well…ah….well, I’m bouncing on his stomach
    because he’s fat and that makes him thin again.”

    The boy replied,
    “Well, that won’t work!”

    “Why?,” asked the Mom.

    “Because the lady next door comes by after you leave
    each day and blows him back up!”

    WAN