Wan's World

Category: Wan’s Wisdom

Some Deeper meaning stories

  • Dead Penguins

    Dead Penguins – I never knewthat!

    Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
    Where do they go?

    Wonder no more ! ! !
    It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

    The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

    20130521_Dead Penguins

    “Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
    “Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

    You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

    It’s so easy to fool OLD people.

    Oh quit whining I fell for it, too

  • Biology Exam.

    Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
    The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’
    The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

    One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
    However, he wrote:

    1) It is perfect formula for the child.

    2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

    3) It is always the right temperature.

    4) It is inexpensive.

    5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

    6) It is always available as needed.

    And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the
    bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote.
    7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the
    ground where the cat can’t get it.

    He got an A.

    WAN

  • Fish Story- a true one for a change


    A guy who lives at Lake Saint Marys

    (60 miles north of Dayton, OHIO ) saw a ball bouncing

    around kind of strange in the lake and went to

    investigate.

    It turned out to be a flathead catfish that had

    apparently tried to swallow a basketball which

    became stuck in its mouth!!

    The fish was totally exhausted from trying to

    dive, but unable to, because the ball would

    always bring him back up to the surface.

    The guy tried numerous times to get the ball out,

    but was unsuccessful. He finally had his wife cut

    the ball in order to deflate it and release the hungry

    catfish.

    You probably wouldn’t have believed this,

    if you hadn’t seen the following pictures:

    20130516_Fish Story- a true one for a change_001

    20130516_Fish Story- a true one for a change_002

    20130516_Fish Story- a true one for a change_003

    20130516_Fish Story- a true one for a change_004

    20130516_Fish Story- a true one for a change_005

  • TEST FOR ALCOHOLISM

    Friends, relatives, I sincerely hope most of you are going to flunk this test.  
     
    I am not an alcoholic, according to the test results.

    I have been concerned about a few of you however,  so when I saw this simple test, I thought I should forward it to you.
    Simple alcoholism test that you can take on
    the privacy of your computer……

    This is a test to determine
    If you are an alcoholic
    (Scroll down for your results)

    20130514_TEST FOR ALCOHOLISM 
    If you saw

    The bar sign,
    You are an alcoholic

  • Word Defintions

    WAN

    CIGARETTE:   A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!
    MARRIAGE:   It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
    LECTURE:   An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
    CONFERENCE:   The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present     COMPROMISE:   The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
    TEARS:   The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
    CONFERENCE ROOM:   A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
    ECSTASY:   A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
    CLASSIC:   A book which people praise, but never read
    SMILE:   A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
    OFFICE:   A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
    YAWN:   The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth       EXPERIENCE:   The name men give to their mistakes
    DIPLOMAT:   A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
    OPTIMIST:   A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway “SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”
    MISER:   A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
    FATHER:   A banker provided by nature
    BOSS:   Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early         POLITICIAN:   One who shakes your Hand before elections and your Confidence later         DOCTOR:   A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!

  • The power of prayer

    WAN

    MT. VERNON, TEXAS, WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH

     

    Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business.

     

    In response, the local Baptist Church campaigned to block the business from expanding — with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.

     

    The week before the grand reopening lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground! After the cat-house burned to the ground the church folks were smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.”

     

    But last week ‘Big Jugs’ Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church … “was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business — either through direct or indirect
    divine actions or means.”

     

     The church denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

     

    The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented:

     

    “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks that’s bullshit.”

  • WHISKEY the real position…..where do you stand?

    WHISKEY

    In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas):

    “If you mean whiskey, the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.

    However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life’s great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.

    This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.”

    WAN

  • Scotsman and the Bank of England

    A Scotsman walks into the Bank of England in Central London and tells the manager that he is going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
    The manager tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so Hamish hands over the keys and documents of a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the Log Book and everything checks out. The manager agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

    The bank’s General Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Scotsman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, Hamish returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
    The manager says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?”
    Hamish replies: “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return:”

    Ah, the mind of the Scotsman….

    WAN

  • A Man With No Enemies

    20130506_A Man With No Enemies
    Ya’ gotta love this guy!!!!!

    Meet Walter Barnes – All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man!

    Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

    “Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

    “I don’t have any,” he replied gruffly.
    “Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
    “Ninety-eight,” he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
    “Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”
    The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, “I outlived all them assholes” – and he calmly returned to his seat.

  • I pad for sale

    i pad for sale

    If you are interested in getting an iPad I can get hold of them through a contact. These are legit, not off the back of a truck, they are from a cancelled Hospital contract due to the Government cutbacks.
    The numbers are limited – I have twenty iPads going for less than half price so its first come first served.

    I have already sold one (pic is attached below so you can see what you are getting).

    Get back to me as quick as you can if you want one.
    Full spec as below

    20130506_I pad for sale