“That’s a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”;
Day: January 25, 2013
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Some Quickies…..
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!The wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.The baby sitter sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.The missus bought a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!”My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.”
“That’s a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”;A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.I’ve just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she’s moving during sex. -
One Night at the Bar
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?”
One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!”
So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?”
And that’s the last thing I remember.
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New Species Discovered
They are referred to as “homo slackass-erectus” created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing, and spasmatic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait. The “drag-crotch” shape also seems to effect brain function.Expect no eye contact or intelligent verbal communication. They receive food stamps and full government care. Unfortunately most are highly fertile.