Wan's World

Month: January 2013

  • Pfizer Corp announcement-must read

    WAN

    > Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
    > liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
    > suitable for use as a mixer.It will now be possible for a man to
    > literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call
    > this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of
    > “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”.
    > Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
    > Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast
    > implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.This means that
    > by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs
    > and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with
    > them.
    > If you don’t send this to five old friends right away there will be
    > five fewer people laughing in the world.
    > Yesterday is history,Tomorrow is mystery,Today is opportunity

  • Green Shoes At The Masters Golf Tournament

    Green Shoes at the Masters

    Whether you golf or not, these are AWESOME shoes!
    Nike now markets Green Shoes,
    first seen at the 2012 Masters Tournament.
    The Shoes, Look at the Shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Sometimes I think I’m wasting my time!

  • Senior Ponderings

    WANAs I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s ass.

    It’s the tortoise life for me soon!

     

    1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

    2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and still it is fat.

    3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

    4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450  years.

    And you tell me to exercise? I don’t think so. I’m retired. Go around me.

     

    Some Senior Thoughts

    God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

     

    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

    3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling  apart.

    4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

    5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

    6. If all is not lost, where is it?

    7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

    8. Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

    9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

    10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

    13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

    14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

    15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?

    16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.

    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…

    I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m hereafter.

    19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

    20. I’M UNABLE TO REMEMBER WHETHER I’VE SENT YOU THIS BEFORE…

  • What would you wish for?

    A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and
    places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up
    and asks what’s in the bag.

    The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
    one foot high and sets him on the counter.

    He reaches back
    into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter
    as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

    The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a
    beautiful piece by Mozart! ‘Where on earth did you get that?’ says the bartender.

    WANThe man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: ‘Here. Rub it.’

    So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. ‘I will grant you one wish. Just ! one wish~~ each person is only allowed one!’

    The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, ‘I want a million bucks!’ A few moments later, a duck walks into
    the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.
    pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks
    and they keep coming!

    The bartender turns to the man and says, ‘Y’know, I think
    your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks,
    not a million ducks.’

    ‘Tell me about it!!’ says the man,
    ‘do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

  • Doctor’s Opinion ……THIS A GOOD ONE

  • US Economy….Brilliant !

    US Economy….Brilliant !


    Dr.     Marc Faber, the investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin with the following comments! :

    Dr. Marc Faber tells it how it is

    “The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China . If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India . If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala . If we purchase a good car, it will go to Germany and Japan . If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan . In short, none of it will help the American economy.

    The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US ..


    I’ve been doing my part…..”

  • A Senior Moment

    A Senior Moment! A situation calling for restraint!


     Look again– two, three times!

    Have a laugh!!

     

     

      These are the backs of the bar stools.

     

    Just goes to prove – things aren’t always what they appear to be at first glance??????

  • A salute to ageing

    TO MY AGELESS FRIENDS

    1:

    2:

    3:

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    5:

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    8:

    9:

    10:
    How to be cruel to old guys:

    AARP Eye Chart

    11:

    12:

    Please pay attention to the last one.

  • Life explained

    On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

    The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.  How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

    So God agreed…… 

    On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.  For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

    The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years?  That’s a pretty long time to perform.  How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

    And God agreed……


     

    On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.  For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

     


    The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.  How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

    And God agreed again……

     


    WANOn the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.  For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”


    But the human said, “Only twenty years?  Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

    “Okay,” said God.  “You asked for it.”

    So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.  For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.  For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.  And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

    Life has now been explained to you.

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.  I’m doing it as a public service .

  • Prostate check-up

     

    WAN

    NO WONDER SO MANY OLDER GUYS RECKON THEY HAVE

    PROSTATE PROBLEMS!!!
    An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and 
    Gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
     When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a 
    Very pretty female doctor.
     The female doctor says,”I’m going to check your 
    Prostate today, but this new procedure is a little 
    Different from what you are probably used to.
     I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, 
    then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,
     ’99’.
    The old guy obeys and says,
     “99”.
     The doctor says, “Great”, now turn over on your left side 
    and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,
     ‘99″. 
     Again, the old guy says,
     ’99’.”
    The doctor said, “Very good”.
     Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees 
    Raised slightly.
     I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with 
    the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis
     to keep it out of the way.
     Now take a deep breath and say,
    ’99’. 
    The old guy begins,
    “One….
      two…
    three…”
    You don’t stop laughing because you grow old.
    You grow old because you stop laughing!