Wan's World

Month: April 2013

  • Beach Talk

    WAN

    Little  boy at the nude beach.

    A  mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude  beach.

    As  the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the  women have boobs bigger than his mother’s, so he goes back  to ask her why.

    She  tells her son, ‘The bigger they are, the sillier the lady  is.’

    The  boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but  returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger  things than his dad does.

    She  replies, ‘The bigger they are, the dumber the man  is’

    Again  satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to  play.
    Shortly  thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his  mother,

    ‘Daddy  is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer  he talks, the dumber he gets.’

  • Joke…..

  • The Wongs

    Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
    the Wongs have a new baby.
    The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
    but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
    ‘Congratulations,’ says the nurse to the new parents.
    ‘Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’
    The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
    ‘Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white,
    so I think we will name him…
    Are you ready for this? 


    Sum Ting Wong 
    You know you laughed and you are going to send this on!!

     

  • Why is it so?

    WAN

    WHY:
    Why do men’s clothes have buttons on the right while women’s clothes have buttons on the left?

    BECAUSE:
    When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid’s right! And that’s where women’s buttons have remained since.

    WHY:
    Why do ships and aircraft use ‘mayday’ as their call for help?

    BECAUSE:
    This comes from the French word m’aidez -meaning ‘help me’ — and is pronounced, approximately, ‘mayday.’
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    WHY
    Why are zero scores in tennis called ‘love’?

    BECAUSE:
    In France , where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called ‘l’oeuf,’ which is French for ‘the egg.’ When tennis was introduced in the US , Americans (mis)pronounced it ‘love.’

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    WHY:
    Why do X’s at the end of a letter signify kisses?

    BECAUSE:
    In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

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    WHY:
    Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called ‘passing the buck’?

    A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would ‘pass the buck’ to the next player.

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    WHY:
    Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?

    BECAUSE:
    It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host’s glass with his own.

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    WHY:
    Why are people in the public eye said to be ‘in the limelight’?

    BECAUSE:
    Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer ‘in the limelight’ was the centre of attention.

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    WHY:
    Why is someone who is feeling great ‘on cloud nine’?

    BECAUSE
    Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

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    WHY:
    In golf, where did the term ‘Caddie’ come from?

    BECAUSE:
    When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France , learned that she loved the Scots game ‘golf.’ He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced ‘ca-day’ and the Scots changed it into ‘caddie.’

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    WHY:
    Why are many coin collection jar
    banks shaped like pigs?

    BECAUSE:
    Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called ‘pygg’. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as ‘pygg banks.’ When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

  • Will Liberals get the irony?

  • THE DOOR . . what a relief. We’ve been let off the hook!

    Whew! What a relief to learn this…
     
    Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?
    Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.
    Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what’s known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.
    Thank goodness for studies like this. It’s not our age, it’s that stupid door!

     

  • The Three Couples

    WAN

    There were three couples,
    one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed,
    that wanted to join a church.

    So the minister tells them that in order to be
    members they must abstain from sex for two whole
    weeks.

    After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly
    couple if they had abstained.

    “Yes, no problem!”
    So the minister welcomes them to the church.

    Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

    “Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the
    couch, but we made it!”
    So the minister welcomes them to the church.

    Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had
    abstained from sex for two weeks.

    “We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife
    dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick
    it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!”

    “I’m sorry,” the minister says,
    “but you are both banned from this church!”

    “That’s okay,” says the husband,

    “We were banned from the supermarket too!”

  • Statistic

    THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.

    WAN

     

    25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

     

    That’s scary!

     

    It means 75% are running around untreated.

  • A heart warming story

    WAN

    There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.

    One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide.

    He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

    He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along on the sidewalk below, whooping and kicking up his heels.
    He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all.

    He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

    He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

    The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

    He asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?”

    He said, “I’m NOT happy. My balls itch.”

    Heart-warming stories like this just makes one want to cry.

  • A politically incorrect look back at 2012

    WAN

    To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton,
    Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector’s Edition of two small jugs
    ———————–
    7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40
    ————————
    A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ……………..
    Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche…
    ———————
    Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Years Riots….
    Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty runs out soon
    ——————-
    “ITS A BOY” I shouted “A BOY, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY”
    and with tears streaming down my face I swore I’d never visit another Thai brothel!!!
    ————————-
    2 Indian junkies accidental snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
    They`re both in hospital… one’s in a korma, the other’s got a dodgy tikka!
    ———————-
    The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like any other Friday night in Brixton.
    You heard a gunshot followed by 8 black guys legging it!
    —————————-
    In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead
    and anything else they could get their bloody hands on
    ——————————–
    Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth