Wan's World

Month: May 2013

  • I pad for sale

    i pad for sale

    If you are interested in getting an iPad I can get hold of them through a contact. These are legit, not off the back of a truck, they are from a cancelled Hospital contract due to the Government cutbacks.
    The numbers are limited – I have twenty iPads going for less than half price so its first come first served.

    I have already sold one (pic is attached below so you can see what you are getting).

    Get back to me as quick as you can if you want one.
    Full spec as below

    20130506_I pad for sale

  • The Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are
    sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

    “Back in me pub in Glasgow,” brags the Scotsman,
    “fer every four pints of stout I order,
    they give me one fer free!”

    “In me pub in London,” says the Englishman,
    “I pay fer two pint’s o’ Guiness and they give
    me a third one free!”

    “That’s nuthin’” says the Irishman,
    “Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar,
    they give the first pint fer free, the second pint
    fer free, the third pint fer free — and then they
    take you upstairs and you have s*x for FREE!”

    “Is that true?” asks the Scotsman.
    “Has that really happened to you?”

    “Well, no,” says the Irishman,
    “but it happens to me sister all the time!”

    WAN

  • SENIOR VACATION PICTURES

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  • Grizzly Attack

    Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Calibre Pistol

    20130504_Grizzly Attack_001

    Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Cal Pistol

     

    This is a story of self control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.

    What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

     

    The Beretta Jetfire:

    20130504_Grizzly Attack_002

     

    While out hiking in Alberta’s back country with my husband we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

     

    If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!

     

    Just one shot to my husband’s knee cap was all it took.

     

    The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

    It’s one of the best pistols in my collection.

  • The Bacon Tree

    Two Mexicans are  stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and  starving. They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis  says………

    “Hey Pepe, do you  smell what I smell?  Ees bacon, I  theenk.”

    “Ees, Luis, eet sure  smell like bacon.”

    With renewed hope  they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with  bacon.

    There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon … Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

    “Pepe, Pepe, wees  saved!  Ees a bacon  tree!”

    “Luis, maybe ees a  meerage?  Wees in the desert don’t forget.”

    “Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon…ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!”

    And with that, Luis  staggers towards the tree.  He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis  drops like a wet sock.  Mortally wounded,  he warns Pepe with his dying breath….

    “Pepe… Go back, man, you was right, ees not a bacon  tree!”

    “Luis, Luis mi  amigo… what ees it? ”

    “Pepe.. ees not a  bacon tree.   Ees….


    Ees…..

    Ees….


    Ees….

    Ees…


    Ees….


    Ees….. a ham bush….”


    SORRY. I  know there’s something wrong with me for sending you this.  Just couldn’t help it!  Little voices made me do it !!!   And I bet you tried to  do the accent too, didn’t you  –  I know  you did!       You are grinning…..aren’t you!

    The Bacon Tree

  • The life of a senior citizen

    The life of a senior citizen

    This is my new neighbour.  She’s single, and lives right across the street.

    I can see her house from my living room.

    I watched as she got home from work this evening.  I was surprised

    when she walked across the street in the rain and along my driveway.

    She knocked on my door, and

    I rushed to open it.

    20130504_The life of a senior citizen

    She looked at me, and said, “I’ve just got home, and I am so horny!

    I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have sex

    all night long! Are you busy tonight?”

    I immediately replied, “No, I’m free, I have no plans at all!”

    Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you please look after my dog?”

    It’s no fun being old !

  • The best “Living Will” ever!

    20130504_The best Living Will ever

  • Why You Should Always Carry A Camera

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    Keep a SMILE on your face
    And a SONG in your heart!
    A smile – is a sign of joy.
    A hug – is a sign of love.
    A laugh – is a sign of happiness.
    And a friend like me? – Well that’s just a sign of good taste!!

  • An irish daughter

    WAN

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year.  Upon her return her father cussed her.
    “Where have ye been all this time?   Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?  Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?”

    The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff.. Dad..I became a prostitute…”

    Ye what!!?
    Out of here, ye shameless harlot!
    Sinner!  You’re  a disgrace to this Catholic family.”

    “OK, Dad – – as ye wish.
    I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate, for me little brother, this gold Rolex,  and for ye Daddy,  this sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club…….
    (takes a breath)…….
    and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and…..”

    “Now what was it ye said ye had become?”  says Dad.

    Girl, crying again,
    “Sniff, sniff… a prostitute Daddy!  Sniff, sniff.”

    “Oh! Be Jesus!  Ye scared me half to death, girl!
    I thought ye said a Protestant.
    Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.

  • Heavens Clocks

    WANHillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. 

    St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when 

    she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on
    the wall.
    Each clock displayed a different time of day.

    When she asked St. Peter about the clocks,
    he replied,
    “We have a clock for each person on earth and every
    time they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks
    off one second each time a lie is told.”

    Special attention was given to two clocks.

    The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved,
    indicating that she never told a lie.

    The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice.
    He only told two lies in his life.

    Hillary asked “Where is Bill’s clock?”

    St. Peter replied,

    “Jesus has it in his office… he’s using it as a ceiling fan!”