Wan's World

Month: August 2013

  • On a Lighter Note…. Phyllis Diller. … Enjoy love Chris

    The Wit of Phyllis Diller 
     
    Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.  As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
    Phyllis Diller

    Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
    Phyllis Diller

    Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
    Phyllis Diller

    A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
    Phyllis Diller

    The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
    Phyllis Diller

    Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
    Phyllis Diller

    A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
    Phyllis Diller

    I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
    Phyllis Diller

    Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
    Phyllis Diller

    Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
    Phyllis Diller

    Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
    Phyllis Diller

    We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
    Phyllis Diller

    Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
    Phyllis Diller

    If it weren’t for hockey, many kids wouldn’t know what a millionaire looked like.
    Phyllis Diller

    You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.
    Phyllis Diller

    I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
    Phyllis Diller

    What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
    Phyllis Diller

    The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
    Phyllis Diller

    I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
    Phyllis Diller

    His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
    Phyllis Diller

    Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
    Phyllis Diller

    My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
    Phyllis Diller

    There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
    Phyllis Diller

    I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
    Phyllis Diller

    My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate  Pearl Harbour .
    Phyllis Diller

    My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
    Phyllis Diller

    Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
    Phyllis Diller

    I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
    Phyllis Diller

    The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
    Phyllis Diller

    You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
    Phyllis Diller

    WAN

  • Directions

    20130806_directions

  • PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE!

    20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_024 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_023 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_022 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_021 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_020 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_019 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_018 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_017 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_016 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_015 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_014 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_013 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_012 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_011 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_010 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_009 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_008 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_007 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_006 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_005 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_004 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_003 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_002 20130805_PICTURES TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SMILE_001

  • Marriage License problems

     Marriage License problems
    San Francisco Marriage License Counter:

    “Next.”

    “Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license.”

    “Names?”

    “Tim and Jim Jones.”

    “Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance.”

    “Yes, we’re brothers.”

    “Brothers?? You can’t get married.”

    “Why not?? Aren’t you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?”

    “Yes, thousands. But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!”

    “Incest?” No, we are not gay.”

    “Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?”

    “For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don’t have any other prospects.”

    “But we’re issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who’ve been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.”

    “Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.”

    “And I want to marry Tim, are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?”

    “All right, all right. I’ll give you your license. Next.”

    “Hi. We are here to get married.”

    “Names?”

    “John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.”

    “Who wants to marry whom?”

    “We all want to marry each other.”

    “But there are four of you!”

    “That’s right. You see, we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me.

    All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.”

    “But we’ve only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples.”

    “So you’re discriminating against bisexuals!”

    “No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it’s just for couples.”

    “Since when are you standing on tradition?”

    “Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.”

    “Who says?? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.

    The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!”

    “All right, all right. Next.”

    “Hello, I’d like a marriage license.”

    “In what names?”

    “David Deets.”

    “And the other man?”

    “That’s all. I want to marry myself.”

    “Marry yourself?? What do you mean?”

    “Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return.”

    WAN

  • Indian Spelling Fails Funnily !

    20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_015 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_014 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_013 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_012 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_011 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_010 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_009 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_008 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_007 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_006 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_005 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_004 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_003 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_002 20130802_Indian Spelling Fails Funnily_001

  • WISE WORDS ~ SCROLL DOWN AND SMILE

    SEX AT 66
    I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox,    informing me that I
    can have sex at 66.
    I’m so happy, because I live at number 72.
    So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards.      And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road!
    ~~~~~
    Answering machine message,
    “I am not available right now,     but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life.
    Please leave a message after the beep.
    If I do not return your call,     you are one of the changes.”
    ~~~~~
    Aspire to inspire before you expire.
    ~~~~~
    My wife and I had words,but I didn’t get to use mine.
    ~~~~~
    Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
    ~~~~~
    Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. 
    ~~~~~
    The irony of life is that,     by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.
    ~~~~~
    God made man before woman so as to give him time     to think of an answer for her first question.
    ~~~~~
    I was always taught to respect my elders,    but it keeps getting harder to find one.
    ~~~~~
    Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
    ~~~~~
    The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
    “With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control,     mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstormstearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,are we sure this is a good time to take
    God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”
    WAN

  • Sometimes

    S O M E T I M E S 

    Sometimes….when you cry….
    no one sees your tears. 

    Sometimes….when you are in pain….
    no one sees your hurt. 

    Sometimes….when you are worried….
    no one sees your stress. 

    Sometimes….when you are happy….
    no one sees your smile.

    – 

    –

    –

    But FART !! just ONE friggin’ time….. 
    And everybody notices!!

    And You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!

    WAN