Day: December 2, 2013

  • Flying Blonde

    This is a true story of a poor dizzy blond 
    flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

    He has a heart attack and dies. 
    She, frantic,calls out a May Day.

    “May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! 
    My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and 
    I don’t know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!”

    She hears a voice over the radio saying:

    “This is Air Traffic Control and I have you 
    loud and clear. I will talk you through this 
    and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot 
    of experience with this kind of problem. 
    Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will 
    be fine! 
    Now give me your height and position!”

    She says, 
    “I’m 5’4 and i’m in the front seat.”

    (pause)

    “O.K.” says the voice in the radio…….
    “Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven……..”

    WAN

  • The Athletes

    A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he 
    decided he wanted to marry her right away. 
    She said, 
    “But we don’t know anything about each other.”

    He said, 
    “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each 
    other as we go along.”

    So she consented, and they were married, 
    and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. 

    One morning they were lying by the pool, 
    when he got up off of his towel, climbed up 
    to the 10-Meter board, and did a two and a 
    half tuck gainer. 
    This was followed by three rotations in jackknife 
    position, where he straightened out, and cut the 
    water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, 
    he came back and lay down on the towel.

    She said,
    “That was incredible!”

    He said, 
    “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. 
    You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves 
    as we went along.”

    So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started 
    doing laps. 

    After about thirty laps she climbed back out and 
    lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.

    He said, 
    “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic 
    endurance swimmer?”

    “No.” she said, 
    “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked 
    both sides of the canal!”

    WAN

  • What? Me? Drinking?

    A Man had been drinking at a pub all night. 
    The bartender finally said that the bar is 
    closing. 
    So the guy stood up to leave fell flat on his 
    face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. 

    He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh 
    air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, 
    he stood up and fell on his face again.

    So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. 
    When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell 
    flat on his face. 
    He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. 
    When he reached his bed he tried one more time 
    to stand up. 
    This time he managed to pull himself upright, 
    but he quickly fell right into the bed and is 
    sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

    He was awakened the next morning to his wife 
    standing over him, shouting, 

    “SO YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!” 

    Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing 
    it out he said, 

    “What makes you say that?” 

    “The pub just called; you left your 
    wheelchair there AGAIN!.”

    WAN

  • Worlds Stupidest Person Found In Albury

    The search is over, we’ve found the stupidest person alive!! He is from Australia.

    20131118_Worlds Stupidest Person Found In Albury

  • The Haircut

    A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
    His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.”
    The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
    After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”  
    The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”
    (You’re going to love the Dad’s reply!)

    “Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?”

    WAN

  • The Bus Stop

    Two elderly women were sitting on a 
    bench waiting for a bus.

    The buses were running late, 
    and a lot of time passed.

    Finally, one woman turned to the other 
    and said, 
    “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, 
    my butt fell asleep.”

    The other woman turned to her and said, 

    “I know, I heard it snoring.”

    WAN