A black eye or ‘shiner’ is commonly due to

an injury to the face rather than an eye injury.

The name is given due to the color of bruising.

The so-called black eye is caused by bleeding beneath the skin

around the eye.

For years, the conventional wisdom has been that the best treatment for a black eye is to cover it with a piece of raw meat.

Scientific studies have proven that while the raw meat helps reduce the swelling and aids in the healing process, applying cold meat actually delays the recovery of the broken blood vessels that cause the bruising around the orbital socket,

while frozen meat may cause superficial thermal burns to the skin.

These same studies demonstrated that application of warm and tender meat

is much more effective in helping the eyes recover from the damage

because the bruising isn’t compounded by thermal shock.

Therefore, the next time you get a black eye, try this method:

 Administer treatment until pain and swelling are gone.
Caution:   This method may cause swelling in other areas

Farm  Visit
   This is  so funny – I crack up every time I read it!!!
 Poor  farmer must have been frazzled
 keeping  an eye on all the kids.

 

A nice story to start the day!

This is a story about the bond formed between a little girl and a
group of building workers. It’s allegedly true and might help to confirm
your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human
race………………..

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold,
more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They
chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a
pay envelope – containing two dollars in 10c coins. The little girl took
her ‘pay’ home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the
bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her ‘work’ on the building site and the fact she
had a ‘pay packet’.

‘You must have worked very hard to earn all this’, said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, ‘Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We’re building a big house.’

‘My goodness gracious,’ said the cashier, ‘And will you be working on the
house again next week?’

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

‘I think so. Provided those f*cking wankers at Boral deliver the f*cking
bricks on time.’

        Willy Peppers – Tears Of Joy –
        nature is very interesting …
        I have never seen a Willy Pepper before.
        These are actual peppers from a garden.
        They really are called ‘Willy Peppers.’

        By the way, the farmer says they can grow up to 18 inches long!
        Sort of brings tears to your eyes doesn’t it?

Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.  This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally – and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ‘F*** you.’

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.  This is when you cannot stand your wife / husband any more. He / she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.  You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

An elderly man really took care of his body.

He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day.

One morning he looked in the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his pee-pee.

So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely and buried himself in the sand, except for his pee-pee, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along.

Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the thingy around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said: “There really is no justice in the world.”

The other little old lady asked: “What do you mean by that?”

The first little old lady replied:

“Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it.”

“When I was 30, I enjoyed it.”

“When I was 40, I asked for it.”

“When I was 50, I paid for it.”

“When I was 60, I prayed about it.”

“When I was 70, I forgot about it.”

“Now that I’m 80, the damned things are growing wild and I’m too old to squat.”

THE KNEELING HIGH JUMP

This is incredible!

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?

 

The record is 0.757 meters (27″). Remember this is from a KNEELING position and was set recently on a beach near Montpellier in Southern France.

 

The photograph below was taken a split second before the jump but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved…

I’ve always enjoyed sports trivia………………….  You too?

1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.

2. F***ing relaxes your mind & body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing don’t eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. Try f***ing in bed cause it can save you valuable energy.

6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.

SO, REMEMBER  …
Fasting is good for health

&

may the good Lord cleanse your dirty mind..