Wan's World

Category: Wan’s Mature Humour

Mature Humour for the more sophisticated

  • Doctor’s Opinion ……THIS A GOOD ONE

  • Prostate check-up

     

    WAN

    NO WONDER SO MANY OLDER GUYS RECKON THEY HAVE

    PROSTATE PROBLEMS!!!
    An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and 
    Gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
     When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a 
    Very pretty female doctor.
     The female doctor says,”I’m going to check your 
    Prostate today, but this new procedure is a little 
    Different from what you are probably used to.
     I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, 
    then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,
     ’99’.
    The old guy obeys and says,
     “99”.
     The doctor says, “Great”, now turn over on your left side 
    and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,
     ‘99″. 
     Again, the old guy says,
     ’99’.”
    The doctor said, “Very good”.
     Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees 
    Raised slightly.
     I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with 
    the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis
     to keep it out of the way.
     Now take a deep breath and say,
    ’99’. 
    The old guy begins,
    “One….
      two…
    three…”
    You don’t stop laughing because you grow old.
    You grow old because you stop laughing!

  • HOPE YOU DID SOMETHING LIKE THIS – PARTY AT THE SENIOR CENTRE LAST NIGHT

    LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE PARTY AT THE SENIOR

    CENTER LAST NIGHT

    Last night we went to a party at our local senior centre. The second Tuesday of every month they have an evening Potluck Supper. We usually eat, play bingo, reminisce, and drink a little wine and talk about the good old days…

    We heard Selma Martin’s grandson is staying with her for a few weeks. It’s rumored he got in a scrap over some marijuana with the law out in Vancouver and he came to YUMA to avoid the heat.


    Anyway, Selma is known for her delicious Brownies and she always bakes up a quadruple batch for each get-together. She makes enough for everyone and some for folks to take one home for later.

    For some reason they were extra good this week and every last one of them was eaten. Not a one left over.

    We later found out that Selma ‘s grandson, Butch, laced the brownies with some of his marijuana.

    Knowing this, I guess it offers a logical reason for everyone feeling good that night. By the time Zeke put on the Bunny Hop record, everyone was in a real good mood and it was the first time the whole place got up and danced.

    That is until the cops came to check all the noise complaints.

    Well, that’s another story…………………

    YOU PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN AND….

    WELL YOU KNOW THE REST! ………….. …………………. 

    Life’s too Short….
    See what we get to look forward to

    …………..and you thought all we did was play Bingo !!!

  • Soap in the shower XXXXX

    I HOPE NUDITY DOES NOT BOTHER YOU.
    –

    Soap In the Shower

    Nothing finer or sexier

    than a naked woman

    dropping soap in the shower –

    SCOLL DOWN:
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Sorry about that.

    I’m still looking for the bastard who sent it to me!!!

    Ruined my day too!!!!

  • A seasonal email

    BLUEBIRD OF HAPPINESS

    BLUE BIRD OF  HAPPINESS,
    MY ARSE!
    Do I  look happy??
    It’s  Friggin’ Freezing.
    There’s  snow up my arse, all the food’s covered with 3 feet of this  white shit, and you want ME to sing?

    Piss  Off!!  Next  year, I’m flyin’ to Jamaica and smoking dope!!

  • Circumcision Disqualifies a Politician in Australia

    A man walks into the Australian Parliament office, says to the receptionist:
    “I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent M.P.”

    WANThe receptionist replied “Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.”

    He was filling the form OK until he came to the question – ”Are you
    circumcised?”

    So he asked the receptionist – “Is that question necessary?”

    She replied… “If you are circumcised you are not eligible”

    He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?

    She replied….”To become an Australian M.P. you have to be a complete prick

     

     

  • Things you can only say at Christmas

    THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS     

    1:     I prefer breasts to legs.
    2:     Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
    3:     Smother the butter all over the breasts.  
    4:     If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!  
    5:     I’ve never seen a better spread!  
    6:     I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
    7:     Are you ready for seconds yet?  
    8: It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?  
    9:     Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!  
    10:     Don’t play with your meat!  
    11:     Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.  
    12:     Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
    13:     I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!  
    14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
    15:     How long will it take after you put it in?  
    16:     You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.  
    17:     Just pull the end and wait for the bang.  
    18:     That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had!  
    19:     I’m so full, I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning.  
    20:     Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all that and still want more

  • Quickie in the bushes

    WAN

    There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
    The angel tells them, ‘As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.’

    He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

    The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

    The angel tells them, ‘Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?’

    He asks her ‘Shall we?’

    She eagerly replies, ‘Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions.

    This time, I ‘ll hold the pigeon down and you sh!t on its head.’


    —————-AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????

  • No Matter What

    When you see a woman….
    And want her badly….

    Please consider the following….

    No matter how beautiful she

    is…..

    No matter how sexy she is….

    No matter how seductive she is…

    No matter how huge her breasts are…

    … I’ve completely forgotten where I was going with this… I’m sorry if I wasted your time.

     

  • Mexican Maid

    The Mexican maid asked for a pay  increase.
    The wife was very upset about this and decided to  talk to her about the raise.
    She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay  increase?”
    Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I  wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better than  you.”
    Wife: “Who said you iron better than  me?”
    Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”
    Wife: “Oh yeah?”
    Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better  cook than you.”
    Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook  than me?”
    Maria: “Jor hozban did”
    Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did  he?”
    Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex  than you in the bed.”
    Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth  asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
    Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”
    Wife: “So how much do you want?”