Author: csiadmin

Philosopher’s Comments…. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous The great question. which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?” Dumas I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Sigmund Freud ‘Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’   Red Skelton ‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.’ Sam Kinison ‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.’ James Holt McGavra Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. Patrick Murra The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…. Nash You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Anonymous My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. This is my favorite!!! Henny Youngman A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Rodney Dangerfield A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’ Anonymous First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’ Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’ Anonymous SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH. AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OFHUMOUR

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet romantic little restaurant.

Distracted Driving Incident  This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman  In a brand new Cadillac Doing 65 mph With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror  Putting on her eyeliner.  I looked away For a couple seconds… to continue shaving And when I looked back she was  Halfway over in my lane,  Still working on that makeup.  As a man,  I don’t scare easily. But she scared me so much; I had to put on my seat belt and I dropped My electric shaver  Which knocked The donut  Out of my other hand. In all The confusion of trying To straighten out the car  Using my knees against  The steering wheel,  It knocked  My Cell Phone  Away from my ear  Which fell  Into the coffee Between my legs!  Splashed,  And burned  Big Jim and the Twins,  Ruined the damn phone, Soaked my trousers,  And disconnected an Important call.  Damn women drivers

 

The Indian With One Testicle There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestoneagain I will kill them!’ The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’ He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Birdreturned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was BlueBird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’ Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Birdwouldn’t die! Why ??? OH, come on… take a guess !!! Think about it !!! You’re going to love this !!! Everyone knows… You can’t kill Two Birds withOneStone!!!

Frank was Excited about his new rifle and decided to try Bear hunting.
He travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small Brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to
see a big Black Bear.

The black bear said,’That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin.
I’m going to give you two choices. Either I Maul you to death or we
have Sex.’  After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the
latter alternative.

So the black bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for
two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on
another trip to Alaska where he found the Black Bear and shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge
Grizzly Bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, ‘That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin
and you’ve got two choices: Either I Maul you to death or we have
‘rough Sex.’

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear
than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully
recovered.

Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and
managed to track down the Grizzly Bear and shot it. He felt sweet
revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder. He
turned around to find a Giant Polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked him in the eye and said,
‘Admit it, Frank, you don’t realy come here for the hunting, do you?

The hardest part of being a guide dog!