An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘Naw…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’
John Howard, Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 15 minutes. When he is finished the devil informsObama calls the US and talks for an hour. When he is finished the devil informs him
that the cost is 4 million dollars, so he writes a cheque.
Finally John Howard gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is 20 cents. Howard just smiles.
Obama and Putin go ballistic, and ask the devil why Howard got to call Australia for only 20 cents??
are you ready……………
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married…..
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humour.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a..m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed….. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him ‘MIDNIGHT’… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock.’
When I asked him why, he said, ‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh shit.’ Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Willy Peppers – Tears Of Joy –
nature is very interesting …
I have never seen a Willy Pepper before.
These are actual peppers from a garden.
They really are called ‘Willy Peppers.’
By the way, the farmer says they can grow up to 18 inches long!
Sort of brings tears to your eyes doesn’t it?
SOMEONE HAD TO REACH BACK A WAYS TO GET THESE!
OLD AND RARE PICTURES – DO NOT PASS THIS ONE UP. CAPTIONS ON EACH PICTURE ON THE BOTTOM OF THE PICTURE!
Jimi Hendrix & Mick Jagger, New York, 1969
The Beatles and Mohammad Ali, 1964
Martin Luther King Jr. And Marlon Brando (The Godfather)
Danny DeVito and Christopher Reeve ( the big & little of it)
Charlie Chaplin and Albert Einstein
Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee (cannot believe this one)
Paul Newman and Clint Eastwood
Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Warren G. Harding, and Harvey Firestone, 1921
Steve Jobs and Bill Gates
James Dean and Elizabeth Taylor (WOW !!)
Ian Fleming and Sean Connery (is this really BOND)
Johnny Cash and Ray Charles
Elvis Presley and Tom Jones
Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash (a Beauty)
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
Charlie Chaplin and Gandhi
Marilyn Monroe and Sammy Davis Jr.
Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally – and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ‘F*** you.’
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife / husband any more. He / she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
Read this and believe. I have always believed that what we say and don’t say to others does make a difference. Treat with kindness and caring. After you read this, if you didn’t believe that, you will! God is good and we are never to late to learn. God bless.
“The happiest people don’t have the best of everything.They just make the best of everything.”
By Canadian paper artist, Calvin Nicholls.
