Day: May 13, 2013

  • Leather dresses

    Women in Leather Dresses

    20130514_Leather dresses

     Did You Know This About Leather Dresses??

    Do you know that when a woman wears
    a leather dress,
    a man’s heart beats quicker,
    his throat! gets dry,
    he gets weak in the knees,
    and he thinks irrationally?
    Ever wonder why?

    It’s because she smells

    like a
    N e w T r u c k

     

  • TEST FOR ALCOHOLISM

    Friends, relatives, I sincerely hope most of you are going to flunk this test.  
     
    I am not an alcoholic, according to the test results.

    I have been concerned about a few of you however,  so when I saw this simple test, I thought I should forward it to you.
    Simple alcoholism test that you can take on
    the privacy of your computer……

    This is a test to determine
    If you are an alcoholic
    (Scroll down for your results)

    20130514_TEST FOR ALCOHOLISM 
    If you saw

    The bar sign,
    You are an alcoholic

  • Slightly used exclamation marks for sale

        It is with great horror that I read the following article just now:

     

       

          Washington, DC-Government officials confirmed today that supplies of the

       

          popular punctuation mark used to express surprise, shock or outrage, has

       

          reached critically low levels and shortages this writing season appear to be

       

          unavoidable.

       

         

            “The exclamation point has been over-used to the point of near-extinction,”

         

            said senior staff member, Janet Falcone, of the Office of Manageable Grammar

         

            (OMG). “People seem to be unable to write even the most basic thought

         

            without adding an exclamation point.”

         

           

              According to industry sources, the dwindling supplies and increased demand

           

              have depleted this once-rich resource. Compounding the problem is the

           

              growing number of English speakers in traditionally non-English regions.

           

              Exports of exclamation points have doubled every ten years since the

           

              mid-1970s, a growth rate that is only expected to increase this century.

           

             

                “It used to be that we could count on cartoonists and porn writers to

             

                intelligently manage the use of exclamation points,” Falcone said.

             

                “Unfortunately, their long-standing respect for punctuation is not shared by

             

                today’s writers.”

             

               

                  But it’s ok. I have plenty for sale at a bargain price. They are hardly

               

                  used so you cannot tell them from brand new ones!

               

                 

                    Each exclamation mark comes with a free breast pump!!!

                 

                   

                      Cheers!!!

                   

                     

                      Wan!!!

                    WAN

                  • Honk, if you love….

                    The other day I went to the local religious
                    book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS
                    bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the
                    back bumper of my car, and I m really glad I did.

                    What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped
                    at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in
                    thought about the Lord, and didn’ t notice that
                    the light had changed. That bumper sticker really
                    worked!
                    I found lots of people who love Jesus!

                    Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy.
                    He must REALLY love the Lord because pretty soon,
                    he leaned out his window and yelled, “Jesus Christ!”
                    as loud as he could. It was like a football game,
                    with him shouting, “GO JESUS CHRIST, GO!”

                    Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out
                    my window and waved and smiled to all of those
                    loving people.
                    There must have been a guy from Florida back
                    there because I could hear him yelling something
                    about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way,
                    with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

                    I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed,
                    looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was
                    the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window
                    and gave him the good luck sign back.

                    Several cars behind, a very nice man stepped out
                    of his car and yelled something. I couldn t hear
                    him very well, but it sounded like, Mother trucker
                    or mother’s from there. Maybe he was from Florida too.

                    He must really love the Lord.

                    A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy
                    of the moment that they got out of their cars and
                    were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray,
                    but just then I noticed that the light had changed
                    to yellow, and stepped on the gas.

                    And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver
                    to get across the intersection. I looked back at them
                    standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them
                    a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign
                    as I drove away.

                    Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

                    WAN

                  • Word Defintions

                    WAN

                    CIGARETTE:   A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!
                    MARRIAGE:   It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
                    LECTURE:   An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
                    CONFERENCE:   The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present     COMPROMISE:   The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
                    TEARS:   The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
                    CONFERENCE ROOM:   A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
                    ECSTASY:   A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
                    CLASSIC:   A book which people praise, but never read
                    SMILE:   A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
                    OFFICE:   A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
                    YAWN:   The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth       EXPERIENCE:   The name men give to their mistakes
                    DIPLOMAT:   A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
                    OPTIMIST:   A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway “SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”
                    MISER:   A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
                    FATHER:   A banker provided by nature
                    BOSS:   Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early         POLITICIAN:   One who shakes your Hand before elections and your Confidence later         DOCTOR:   A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!